Abba's Warrior Princess

A Journey Back in Time

2011-10-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

Mo. Stole my heart. Pictures just didn't suffice. Getting to bond a bit with this precious Abbott child from Ethopia was a treasure.

Too good to be true it seems...
beauty floods the heart with light.
enlarges the soul
leaves imprints of glory & I am softened...

Oh, that I once lived among such canyons, rustic magecticness, wide Colombia river & most importantly dear Jesus following souls living intently loving generous & loud.

I wish I could linger longer in this rich oasis of the safety nourishment joy of gizzard friendship but the end of the school day bell is ringing loudly an my professor husband and four budding souls beckon me homeward. I go filled up from being in Karin's picture memories rich, Scripture rich home...Carissa's game rich, Spirit-filled Haven home...Shias Man-cub Daddy rich building a porch with 3 boys rich, livin' free off 23 acres rich & harvesting food & eggs & fruit galore...Megans cultured, amazing fixer uper skilled home where love & peace of Jesus reign & 5 year old man cub goes off to work with Daddy home...and Allisons exquisit meal creating on back porch with a view from Eden & art & books & beauty flowing form every corner rich home. Seeing all this in 1 week- being in 5 unique homes of women I love & shared life intently with years ago has lit a fire in my belly.

To keep going.
To not give up.

To keep walking into this big harry audacious vision of mine to love loudly.

Because at the end of the day, when the end of all school bells rings, its the love that matters.

Oh, Jesus, today that you would flow so freely through these hands & this one mouth that is so prone to sin lately. That you would reign supreme in this heart of mine- your home & recieve glory today as I prod on in this one piece, beautiful mess I am living. That you would rise up in women all across the land to truly LOVE today having the courage to listen to & follow your voice.

Exhaustion

2011-10-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe it's been 10 days since my week long gala of re-connecting with old friends, lingering meals & hearts shared in Wenatchee, WA where our family once lived.

The wheel of life kept turning in my absence due to a lot of planning & prep & I am so, so thankful for the fabulous gift of a Daddy for my kids, of grandparents & a fun-loving babysitter!

But, returning has me a bit shell shocked to be honest...in lieu of my last post.
The responsibilities upon me as the woman of this home, the Wife of my professor husband, the Mother of my always growing, learning, absorbing children are startling...are...constant...are...wonderfully stimulating yet overwhelmingly taxing.

And I see clearly as I have just had a 6 day refresher from daily life & re-entered that the enemy of my days in this season right now is...exhaustion.

So what I ask do I do with this reality? Do I join the ranks of tired, worn out, stressed out Mamas who are quick to complain about their jobs & kids? Cause I sure could spout out a bunch of 'let me just tell you all I have going on right now & how stressed I am' talk. Do I yell & slam doors & close myself in my room & pout? What do you do when your maxed out, tired, with a full plate?

I don't claim to have the answer but I know Father is present in this struggle. As I bring this reality to light already I am growing in understanding of ways to protect my strength- mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. Just this week I chose to quickly end a phone conversation that I recognized was draining me. I also went to bed one night at 9pm with laundry left unfolded, paperwork yet to be done & without 'preping' for the next day like I typically do. Yes, Jesus is leading me beside still waters in the midst of my days as I listen to his voice.

Victory. I have to say this Christ following, living in an orgainic flowing relationship with the Father of Light is truly exhilarating.

gifts i am counting today...

-a peaceful unanxious heart over the cereal bowls on the counter
-fresh falling of leaves
-mailman blessing my kids socks off with a lollipop
-juice plus gummies for my kids on a day when all they've had is carbs

More to come on the trip out west!

Be blessed today dear one.

May the Spirit of the Living God fall afresh on your daily realities,

abbas warrior princess

An Honest Confession

2011-07-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don't like confessing.

Like truly & calmly admitting I messed up without making excuses. Just admitting. Just being honest
with myself and others and God.

But lately- like the last few years lately- I am learning how to honestly confess and along
with that
how to laugh at my insecurities, my mess ups, which is freeing me in a major way to
be the
broken
beautiful
mess of a loved & redeemed child of God that I am.

And to let others- my husband, my kids, my friends- be that as well.

Well, I had a little major mess up this week & it daily glares at me.

And isn't it canny that it happened after a morning of ministry???

We all looked cute- dressed presentably from my 9 yr. old on down to my 2 yr. old & headed to my husbands office- an alzheimer's unit- where we brought about 100 cut out red hearts in order to make
a festive 4th of July wreath with the residents to hang on their doors. The activities director is fabulous
and once a month she lets us join in on an activity so my four saplings & I have space to interact with
these folks living out their last chapter of life. It is humbling really. Life enhancing. A stark reminder about
what our bodies do over time. I rarely leave untouched.

This day was no different. Lydia delighted hearts, Abby pasted for Mrs. Lucy who can't use her hands,
Joshua cut for Mr. Albert who is on oxygen & Jed glued white stickers on the blue. We served, we loved.
We were blessed in the giving.

We came home & a sitter was coming in 30 short minutes & I was trying to make smoothies for lunch and pack up the computer & make a grocery list- (always cramming as much as I can into my weekly errand time when a sitter comes!).

And my oldest young man cub asks to show me a used air soft gun he found on amazon as I'm shutting down the computer about to shove it in the bag... And I grunt. "Tonight, with Daddy, Okay?"
And his head drops & he mumbles something about it only taking a minute & a pain of guilt nudges me
as the blender whirls & the toddler squeals with delight yet piercing my ears so I open back out the computer
and turn it on pretty huffy like. Get out cups & straws & time is ticking till Miss Rebecca comes & "UGGG why didn't I write out my grocery list last night, and how again am I suppost to love my 9 yr. old well and train my 2 year old out of high pitched screams & gosh, I know I need time away to run errands but why do I feel guilty" all comes bursting out of me.

And
that's
when I see it...
the nerf gun on my kitchen floor...and I swing my whole leg into it like I'm kicking a goalie kick scoring smack
into
the glass oven.

Shattered...a million little pieces...

And expensive mistake. Humbling to be sweeping up glass & awkardly mending, consoling young hearts when a babysitter arrives. Good one, Mandy.

After the "I'm sorry's" and wiped away tears & a talk with my oldest who understands a lot I finally feel okay
to get in the van & leave. Later than I wanted...of course. Less time to do the 100 things I needed to.

But somehow this shattering mistake of a bad choice of what to do with my anger
opened a floodgate that was pent up
in my heart...
"I am so scared about...
"I can't do this part of my life...
"I feel so inadequate to...
"I'm not sure how to love this friend...
"I'm so fed up with money frustrations...
"I hate all those sex traffickers in thailand & asheville & all those porn making people...

Why does it take so long for pleasers to be gut level honest? Like I think all those confessions & more
had been in my heart for weeks & even tho I had prayed & gone for walks with Father & read scripture I still hadn't reveled
my truest self before him. Posing can be so subtle, can't it?

Before your oven door gets the hell smashed out of it what kind of honest confessions are lying on your heart that need to bust out?

Hellloooo out there!

2011-02-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

In the last month I have heard from friends in several different states & the call that made me pee in my pants, my far away friend in Thailand which affirmed to me that I needed to post on here & say helllooo out there & yes, I am alive & well!!!

I am up to my elbows in Chicken Tractor designs & gardening ideas & incredibly stoked about the keyhole garden I designed to host my cooking herbs, a butterfly bush & bird feeders to enhance our drawing & identifying of birds in our nature journals (nothing like drawing them sitting on your den couch!). James & I interviewed the Agriculture teacher at the local high school who is also a landscaper yesterday and we are eager to get a little jump start on making our acre of land a thriving environment. He has 4 kid-o's himself & knows we will be out there alongside him asking questions, digging & learning along the way...you know us avid learner freaks gotta be in the thicket of it!

Kid's flew kites in bare feet last week...we ate up the sunshine, even took off to explore the Biltmore House one afternoon with a friend. We went inside the house for the first time ever- the boys were all over the mid evil decorated dining room with 3 fireplaces & boar & elk heads all over the walls. But of course most of our time was spend roaming the land, picnicing,visiting the barn- petting sheep & rabitts & holding chickens.

I can't say I have missed this outlet of writing because as I have disconnected from being online I feel a deeper connectedness to my own kids, the folks in my neighborhood and occasional friends that I get to chat with on the phone. In an age of always being available I think we are loosing the beauty of presence, of the habit of attention to eachothers souls and the ability to enter eachothers stories in meaningful ways. Yet, I know especially for us busy Mamas it is such a cool way to stay in touch. And yes, I do want to do a better job at that dear Wenatcheeites & fellow travelers that I don't get to see in person.

Much is marinating deep inside as my own marriage has walked a rocky path this winter. We are all so darn broken yet at the same time so darn beautiful, aren't we?! Forced to face the chapter of our story that was being written, we grieved where we had gotten and groaned many deep groans. If you've seen the new Chronicles of Narnia movie- it's as if the green midst took us away & the Enemy lulled us to sleep like never before. Yet, Gandalf showed up & returned hope to us mainly through the ministry of a friend in WA who flew out to be with us for a few days, to listen, to pray & offer deep hope..(some great meals & a night in a b & b along with a long coffee date went a long way)

I will leave you with a recent treasure of a little book I just finished

Mystical Hope by Cynthia Bourgeault

Trusting in the Mercy of God

On the back..."This is a grace-filled book for those who are learning to swim in the deep waters of God's mercy and love-waters in which we already swim but hardly know it. Cynthia shows us the road to a deep and lasting hope." Alan Jones

I have to say Julie & Julia is a pretty great read as well & Flannery O'Conner & Mary Oliver are on my nightstand as well. Oh, and The Core by Leigh Bortins is totally challenging me about the way I educate & offering some good insights.

Onward and upward,

Abbas Warrior Princess

For as the heavens reach beyond earth and time, we swim in mercy as in an endless sea. Psalm 103:11

Go jump in some puddles with your crew this week...celebrate the good things...open your eyes to TRULY see the gifts around you. May you have all the grace & peace granted to you as you need it. Yes, Laura I still remember your story so well offered...God will not give us that ticket for the train till it's time to get on....please keep writing, sharing your journey...loves, mj

Out of Touch

2010-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

Our
computer
officially
died.

And the first few days I kicked some dirt and had a puffy attitude when it was time to order books
for school or I really desperately needed some encouragement & was missing my daily dose of holy experience.blogspot or I wanted to be in better touch with my friends across the miles.

But now a month later, I am still alive without the machine in my home.

And even better for it in some ways.

There has been more freeze tag in my back yard, consistent napping & therefore better attitudes in the evenings, more evening connection & flirting with my husband, and most of all

a soul

with space for the persons right in front of me
that unfortunately can get overlooked because of the 'important things' to check up on the computer.
And yes, I messed up the whole schedule for my cooking swap group of mamas- we were suppost to meet tonight & I haven't even bought ingredients cause I missed the email reminders! ooops...gotta love it when
you need some mercy from your friends.

In this time we have also survived the whooping cough- the P in Dtp- pertussis. 4 & 1 year old. Hard nights. Oldest is playing kid pitch baseball & younger 2 are on same soccer team. Evenings are full of outdoors & it is good, this fresh air, this meeting of new folks, this me stretching my legs pushing baby around the track.

In this time, I have missed this blog, missed writing & sharing all that is abuzz in the four walls of this home & some of the learnings and challengings of my heart. Although my life increases with the demands in my chosen job the burning in my belly for this way of life & learning is still ablaze.

May joy & hope be upon you today.

Summers in our home

2010-07-24T06:39:00.000-07:00

Within the last week I have been asked numerous times, "Do you do school in the summer?" and "What kinds of things do yall do in the summer?" So I thought I would write a bit about what our days are looking like. Much of my life today has been pieced together from things I've gleaned from other friends & mentors or ideas in books.

As for the school question...I stammer on this one a little bit because I know the person is asking if we do actual academics like leaning new math concepts & language lessons and to that my answer is "No, we do take a break from academics for the whole month of July." But what I really want to say is "HECK YEA!" School is learning & learning is relational & therefore I view my kids as always IN school.  Children are little sponges, soaking up what is put in front of them all the time...learning ways of relating, learning from what they see on TV, developing ways of seeing the world, learning a zest for God's world by being out in it, feeling the grass on barefeet, hearing birds singing in the morning. But yes, summer time comes with open arms for me to put the math & language lessons on the shelf & planning book. My kids did a week of swiming lessons this summer and a week of a 9-12 Vacation Bible School. And now we are into berry picking & mashing & making jams & shucking corn to freeze for the winter. Truly, each day is full of possibilities.

For me, summer ushers in space where we just "be." A scheduled day turns into a semi-scheduled day to 30 minute chunks of house work if you choose to bicker or want to be a whiny pants or pouter.  In the summer time, more than watching over academics I am watching over heart attitudes & pleasantness & ways of interacting with sibilings. Yes, this is 'work' for me and it has been for the last 8 years but a little tending to today produces a lot of peace & joy in our home to enjoy next year. Yet, neglecting these weeds of poutiness & selfishness (at the time they pop up) that undoubtedly grow in every child's heart only means more work & frustration for me next year. Inch by inch, life's a cinch, right?!

I am still learning & crafting how this flow of life & homeschooling looks in our home. For now, I am loving just 'being' around & with my children. The unplanned moments of making cookies or laying in bed for an hour after dinner like I did last night with my four year old, scratching backs & telling 'Abby stories.' I do write down a few possible activities or friends to persue to have in my back pocket but mostly we are flowing with the wind, and my mind & heart are resting. Come August in the thicket of hotness, we will take a week to slowly transition into some academics in the hottest part of the day so that come beautiful fall time when the whether is glorious we can have some half school days & enjoy those leaves & hikes & playing in creeks.

For us, summer's are for...

...catching baby grasshoppers in your front yard in your pj's

...coming to the breakfast table in your pj's

...putting a big ole' bin of k'nex or lincoln logs in my den for the kids to wake up to

...walking through the woods in the cool of the morning, around the neighborhood pushing the stroller             holding the coffee, letting the kids start & stop at their leisure & as their curiosity beckons them...throwing rocks, jumping off big rocks, petting the dogs that come to greet us, wading in a pond to
                                      catch frogs...both chatting & being silent along the way

...eating cucumbers from our garden with a little salt

...hosting neighborhood boys, dishing out cookies & water, and praises for doing the monkey bars

...taking our 4 year old girly girl to ballet class every Wed. & pinching kids to see if they feel like ice cream

...going to bed later than usual

...checking our bee hive...watching those critters work like crazy

...going slow, reading books in my bed in the heat of the afternoon & then all taking naps

   I do hope your summer finds you sprinkled with lightheartedness & basking in the sunshine of
               God's great love that is for you & with you always...

Shalom,
Abbas Warrior Princess

Sacred Rhythms...the beach trip

2010-07-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

Try to deny or run from it, but there are some things in life that anchor a soul...

Like sand castles, buckets & shovels.

Just like children who are secure in their world & able to freely love & attach to others when they have a sense of 'knowing' about the rhythm of their day or bedtime routine, so adults

too need some anchors, things that tie & define them as a family, things

that 'we always do.'

And so we drove 6 1/2 hours to the beach last week and got to enjoy a week of sun & sand & waves & yummy food that Pop-pop made on the grill most nights. We dug up sand dollars & conch shells with critters still living in them, found a live starfish, went crabbing & for golf cart rides.

And I absolutely loved being there on this little nature island where we have gone for years.

We got to hang out by the pool & just 'be' together. I got to play with an airplane with my 3 year old

nephew and paint fingernails with my 10 year old neice. I loved watching my sister get her groove on to some tunes & my other sister dance with my 5 year old son. I was able to comfort & give lovin' to my 12 year old nephew who didn't feel good one day & see my fit & trim brother in law come in from 30 mile bike rides in the morning. I got to wake my own Mom up early one morning & invite her to walk on the beach with me & my girls.

And one afternoon I even let my 3 big kids skip naps & we made tyedye t-shirts at the nature center and then I took them out to the peir to catch sand crabs. My kids went nuts over the hundreds of crabs scurrying around between grassy patches and I loved seeing their glee. The boys caught about 10 each and they gave a few to their little sister who was bummed because she couldn't quite swat & scoop the critters.

Riding golf cart syle slows the pace of life. We all went out for ice cream & some play time at the park

on this night.

And before you start thinking, "how peachy for you & your perfect family" you need to know that we

are not always peachy, we are far from perfect, just like...your family.

On this trip, we fought...and said some hard honest things & took

baby steps in having real relationships, in knowing one another better, but it wasn't easy.

And as my parents & their 41 years of marriage said to us after the tears & "I'm sorry's"...

"we all want to quit sometimes...marriage is hard but don't quit"

"take the good that we've given and modeled to you & build on it...

leave the bad behind"

"life is short, we want to give you & your kids these memories"

and lastly

...this is your family.

Tonight, I thank you Abba for the family you birthed me into. Thank you for

these wonderful, unique, ragamuffin folks who are flawed & selfish just like me. Thank you

Father for a place to belong.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch - Good Morning America

2010-07-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

We have been a family that has recycled off and on. Then we moved to the country & the truck doesn't pick it up. Excuses, excuses. My husband has been nudging me to start recycling more consistently again.

He put my oldest son and I who are both creature lovers in front of this video today.

I wanted to share it with you. So we, together, can turn the tide for our grandbabies.

Watch this.

I dare ya.

Authentic Prayer in Daily Life

2010-07-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm sitting in my chair outside in the cool of the early morning, sipping my coffee in my pj's, recieving the lovely chorus of the many birds in the tall, tall trees in our yard begining my day with Brennan Mannings idea of inhaling, "Abba," and exhaling, "I belong to you."

Simple.

Yet, transforming.

And I pick up the book my Mom recently gave me called An Alter in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor and read the chapter titled, The Practice of Wearing Skin. It is turning out to be a delightful book. But, I am humored to read more about seeing the sacred in the ordinary in these words of hers...

Sometimes, when people ask me about my prayer life, I describe hanging laundry on the line. After a day of too much information about almost everything, there is such a blessed relief in the weight of wet clothes, causing the wicker basket to creak as I carry it out to the clothesline.

Since I am a compulsive person, I go to some trouble to impose order on the lines of laundry: handkerchiefs first, then jockey shorts, then T-shirts, then jeans. If I sang these clothes, the musical notes they made would lead me in a staccato, downward scale. The socks go all in a row at eh end like exclamation points. All day long, as I watch the breeze toss these clothes in the wind, I imagine my prayers spinning away over the tops of the trees.

This is good work, this prayer. This is good prayer, this work.

So is digging in the garden, cleaning the chicken pens, washing the potatoes, doing the dishes.

Above all, I am happy for practices that bring me back to my body, where the operative categories are not "bad" and "good" but "dead" and "alive." As hard as I have tried to be good all my life-as hard as I try to be good even now-my heart leans more and more toward that which gives life, whether it is conventionally good or not. There are times when dancing on tables grants more life than kneeling in prayer. More to the point, there are times when dancing on tables is the most authentic prayer in reach, even if it picks the table and clears the room."

So today, dear ones, on this sabboth, may you have the courage to
have a family dance party,
swing high on a swing beside your toddler,
scream out loud at the glorious fireworks,
pray out loud as you fold those clothes,
invite your hubby to the locked bedroom while your little ones nap,

...to truly live
...offering your most authentic prayer in reach
...seeing the sacred in the ordinary things of life,
even if it does cause the pharisees around you to snicker & slide away.

Seeing the Sacred in the Ordinary

2010-07-03T11:37:00.000-07:00

I just finished smashing 4 quarts of big ole' blackberries with my potato masher. It was fun. Little hands passing through the kitchen wanted to try. I let them. They smiled and went on their way. I poured my mashed berries through a sieve & let the juice drip, drip, drip into a white bowl. Right at that time, the water began to boil. One stock pot for the jars, one sauce pot for the lids. Then comes measuring the lemon juice, checking that little chart on Pomona's Universal Pectin instruction sheet...again, scanning down strawberry, blueberry, peach, plum, apple to finally the blackberry measurments. Following the line over to see how much sugar, how much calcium water. It is an art, you know. A fine art that is lost in our consumeristic society. The art of making things. Of creating with the hands.

This first time around, I sweat. Remembering my first days of making fresh ground home made bread in batches of 5 loaves at a time & botching the whole thing over a quick move & mess up... I read and re-read the instructions. I ask James for help to dry the hot jars & lids while I boil the juices & sugar & pectin wondering if it is really going to work...or not. Pour hot purple jam into mason jars, place lids on and screw ring around...exhale, realax the shoulders. Twirl in my cotton skirt & "yes!" to myself.

I am truly enjoying my job lately. I picked lettuce that I grew from seed for the first time this week. That was the most delish salad I have ever eaten. I am so glad a friend & her two precious girls happened to come over for some sprinkler fun that morning & I got to share the moment of tasting the harvest with her. Life is so full of possibilities.

As I learn to lean into this season of life as I glide into my thirties with a busy, hard working husband, four ragamuffin, creative, intelligent children I am deeply soul satisfied. Sure, I look to the right and to the left & "see" all the possibilites of what I could do, could achieve, could work toward to prove myself a little more worthy, to feel a little more secure in our bank account when college days roll around. And sure, I do dream of being a mid-wife, a nurse some day, a writer & retreat leader with my husband. And I hold those desires out there with palms open and trust that when it is time & good not only for me but also for those under my care to persue these things I will hear, "This is the way, walk in it."

Until then, I glory in a job where I get to serve my husband by getting some exercise this week & mowing the grass, a job where I get to research books & learning styles, a job where my patience is stretched, my soul is enlarged in the loving compassion needed to care for young children. A job that allows me to have an influencial voice in shaping the moldable clay of my children's young hearts...to pass on a legacy of love & biblical truth served daily at our breakfast table and sprinkled throughout our day as we work together, play together, learn how to give & take & bear with one another. Sure, I've had to learn self discipline in being my own boss and leading this ship well as I plan out our days & activities. Sure, I get totally overwhelmed & exhausted some days and want to 'quit,' move on to the next job, children, place. Who doesn't want to give up some days?

But for now, I am seeing the holy in the daily. The beauty in the messes. The wonder in the childrens eyes. The endless possibilities of what we could grow, raise, can & put away for the winter. And I am allowing my heart to feast on the goodness of what is in front of me, today...right now...four jars of homemade blackberry jam all ready for hot toast in the morning, four cups sucked dry of blackberry smoothies my kids ate for lunch, dirty dishes on the counter, a highchair with a tray needing to be wiped, messages to be listened to on the answering machine. And I say, "Abba, I belong to you, keep opening my eyes to see the sacred in the ordinary things of life."

Their life was all one piece,

it was all sacred and all ordinary.

Sue Bender

Celebrations

2010-06-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

It was a day where I knew I needed to NOT bring the camera, rather to "be" among them,
with them myself, fully present, hand available to hold when my husband walked free of kid-o's
hands. Something about the smell of mountain laurel, the sound of little creeks and leaves rustling

in the wind calms my soul and re-grounds me. He chose a morning hike for Fathers Day after the blueberry crumb cake (your recipe Allison) and Liberty's morning nap and I was glad. I didn't realize how ramed over I felt by the last months dealings of life & interruptions & traveling until I was there surrounded by trees, enclosed by beauty, God closer than my skin. I feel the most when I am in the woods.

Father's day has come & gone. Today we woke anew to another celebration...the fourth birthday of my first daughter. She asked to make her cake with me. A first. She and I, flour, a hand mixer, folding in eggs, a dab of vanilla & alternating milk & dry ingredients. She was in heaven. And I saw deep into the next years & slowly cried as I said goodbye to her baby/toddler years, for she is indeed becoming a little lady child. I am awed by her beautiful childhood innocence, her childlike faith & trust in us, her purity, her curiosity & wonderings at the world. She who has been my most strong willed so far & took the most flicks on the hand when I trained her in what 'no' means is now a delight to my soul more days than not as she submits to my authority & follows my voice.

Yet, now that the two big celebration days of our family this week are over the memory & gift that remains out & visible is this one...a book put together by my wonderful mother-in-law with words about her husband who died of lukemia when James was 16. She asked his brothers & sisters to write some of their memories of Duran down on paper for my husband & children & I to have.

It is a treasure trove for us. Fathers Day comes with such joy in our home in the morning around lavishing James with hand made pictures & coffee & "Daddy, I like....with you" & usually a blueberry treat. Then the evening ushers in with a lump in my throat as his thoughts & words turn toward his own Dad & what it would be like to have the consistent presence of him in his adult life.

Thank you, Jo, for this wonderful idea & thank you, aunts & uncles for your words & memories about Duran. For taking the time to write them down. We are grateful & enjoying the learning about Duran as father, father-in-law and grandfather.

Happy Stairs

2010-06-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

This staircase to our 70's ranch basement is steep. It also was a blah wood color with indoor/outdoor carpet. My kids didn't like going down to the basement by theirselves...so this is what I have been dreaming up over the past year and a 1/2 of living here and last week I am happy to my dream has become a reality! Oh the joy of creating a warm, vibrant home for my family to live in, to be inspired by, to find joy & comfort in. We watched a Little HOuse on the Prarie re-run yesterday- a harvest of friends- and the scene where Pa has finally finsihed building their house & Laura and Mary go up to their own room to make the bed & Laura is awed by "our own window" then Pa comes up to check on them & Laura tells him that "home is the best word there is" was espically poinent for me as I have put down stakes in this land & home we have bought & worked so hard to make it simply beautiful & life-giving.

Pondering

2010-06-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

"Listen to me, all you who are serious about right living and committed to seeking GOD.

Ponder the rock from which you were cut,

the quarry from which you were dug.

Yes, ponder Abraham, your father, and Sarah, who bore you.

Think of it! One solitary man when I called him, but once I blessed him, he MULTIPLIED.

Likewise I, GOD, will comfort Zion,

comfort all her mounds of ruins.

I'll transform her dead groud into Eden,

her moonscape into the garden of GOD,

A place filled with exuberance and laughter,

thankful voices and melodic songs."

Isaiah 51

Isn't that beautiful...alluring verbage? Isaiah's words in the Message have a way of wiping the sleepy dust out of my eyes and awakening me to the wonders of who God is and what he is about. As the rejection to an intensive writing/mentoring time that I applied for seeps in, I grieve. I fight the wispers of inadequacy, of not quiet measuring up or ever being old or wise enough to use my voice in the world. And I find comfort in my first ever planted lettuce seeds after days of watering & talking to...official little sprouts pushing up through my exactly calculated soil mixture- following mel's square foot method for real this year.

I mean really, who squeals & looses a tear with their 3 year old walking out to the garden & seeing 1/2 inch green things? She gloried in the wonder of it with me & I am so glad I wasn't with an official adult because I know I would of held back & been a little more subdued & "yep, that's what happens when you plant seeds" like.

But I was with her, a three year old child full of wonder & pure delight in the world God has created as she experiences life & love & protection of childhood innocence as she matures in our home, our Walters Greenhouse. And she and I, we did a little jig out by our garden, in our keens & pony-tails. We laughed a 'we of little faith' startled laugh and we said our 'thank you fathers' with our eyes open & gaze fixed on the miracle of growth, of new life.

And I wonder what dead ground lies in you just waiting to be touched with hope, with desire?

Yes, it is possible. Our moonscape can be turned into the garden of God...a place where

laughter- child- like free laughter and

exuberance

and

thankfulness

and

melodic songs burst forth.

So, as I recognize my own tiredness lately & wanting to dig a little pity party cave, after basking in a little Scripture, I am curious...of what lies ahead for these awakend desires of writing

that just got dampered on a bit. And I ask,

wanna ponder the rock from which you were cut with me?...the quarry from which you were dug?

Wanna dream about the ways Father would want to flesh his love, his beauty, his joy

through your life alongside me?

Can you imagine our world filled with beauty seekers, beloved sons & daughters of God

living like it is really true...

that we are really loved & accepted & redeemed.

I wanna dream.

And I so don't want to dream alone.

Beauty: A Way of Seeing

2010-05-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

"My mother taught me how to see beauty, as her mother taught her before. It is a learned skill, a meditation, a way to meet with God, who reveals so much about Himself through His creation. Can you believe how many details there are in nature? Have you ever considered how beautiful and complicated one blade of grass is, or noticed how many blades of it there are in your yard?" Audrey Felger...potter...BackCreekPottery.com

Early this am, in our home away from home, I opened a big brown package from a dear heart friend in WA. Whispers of kindness were sprinkled throughout. Each of my kid-o's beamed over their name on treat. And I gloried in her artwork- watercolor & ink of detailed flowers like we've been examining this week & I felt near to her as I looked upon her handwriting. I marveled in the picture of pottery made by Audrey with flowers etched in the vases she made and then the above words from Audrey about her mother teaching her how to see beauty. Words to my fragil attempt this week to do the same here during our week of daily visits to the Biltmore Estate in all its intricate beauty.

As a home educator, I am growing in my understanding of education as a science of relationships as well as an atmosphere, a discipline and a life as Charlotte Mason says. So exposing my children to beauty, seeing the world as our classroom rather than being confined to a certain room & time frame is becoming a way of life. And I am pleased. My students awe and wonder over God's glorious earth & all the fabulous creatures & plants He made. I was interrupted many times this week by "shhhh, Mama, I hear sompen" three year old bug eyed below me inviting me into her discovery. And little fingers brushing over fusia, baby blue, fierce red flower petals soaking up the glory of it all.

And I gave them time and space to explore on their own without hovering over them with lectures. Putting them in touch with the natural world, discovering names of plants alongside them, awing over the colors and shapes, and talking to avid plant people along the way is part of my job as Mother Hen. And yes, in due time, a little here and a little there I am teaching them about keeping a nature journal, researching the actual name of a species be it flower, tree or bug. I started this about a year ago as I wanted us to dive into life science. I simply say, "What a beautiful leaf, I wonder what kind it is, lets go look it up and see if we can figure it out." And off we go, TOGETHER, to leaf through pages and pages & Oh the JOY when we land on the exact leaf. And do you know that this school year, my oldest is now doing this on his own. He is becoming a self motivated learner right in front of my eyes. On a rainy day this week we spent the morning in the indoor gardens- hot house if you will- rows and rows of plants & oldest man cub...kept stopping to do leaf rubbings so he could later go back & see if he could figure out the name.

One day, after examining & walking quite a bit we did spurge at the new Antler Hill Farm and indulge in a treat of each child's choice. A root bear float, a muffin and an ice cream cone.

So now, dear Mama, here is my challenge to you. Start small. Pencil in a time during the week for nature study with your child- whether 3months or 13 years old. Go for a walk around a park, visit a pond, find a local hiking trail or sit on your back porch with a cold lemonade and just "listen." Just be in nature with your child. Don't have an agenda at first. But be ready for that freshly blosomed flower or that grasshopper that jumps over the path! Stop & wonder over it. Linger if your child is interested. Your interest & enthusiam is contagious- remember...education is r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-a-l at its core. Remember that excited, silly chemistry teacher you had- you didn't like chemistry but you loved the teacher & his joy over chemistry & so you learned something. So go out, and may Father guide us together as we grow in this "learned skill, this meditation, this way to meet with God who reveals so much about Himself through His creation."

The Magic of a Nap

2010-05-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

I just woke from a nap...with my 3 yr. old on one side and my 8 yr. old on the other. My heart softens as a watch her breath deep like, with her little hand on her chest. And he, he a little boy slowly becoming a man who plays hard, goes hard all morning & still, still more days than not crashes in the afternoon along with the rest of us and is much less grouchy when he does.

Something happens in the quiet moments. I recieve the gift of these little people, and strings of love are tied to these persons whom I care so much for yet, as most all mothers have experienced, these little people interrupt my flow of thought quite often, they make messes, they act silly at inoportune times & dirty a lot of clothes. Yet, when my eyes open after an hours nap, my heart softens as I rest between soft sheets with these children God has entrusted to my care. And I say hats off to a good ole' nap.

Okay, so we are on the road, again. Forgot the cord for camera to computer so creek house pic's- fishing, kayaking, doing leaf shadings will have to wait. Now,we have landed in one of my favorite NC cities...Ashville for a week while our hardwoods are sanded & fumes settle. Today was our first day of exploring the 8,000 acres of Biltmore with our yearly pass...oh, my stars are we pumped or what!@!* And just in case you think I'm crazy enought to take my 8,5,3 & 11 month old in the house by myself, I didn't. We are going for the...yes, the gardens galoore, the farm, the hikes & bike path- miles and miles of beauty & yes, the creamery at the new Antler Hill Villiage.

Impact of a Mother

2010-05-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

"My mother was the most beautiful womean I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical eucation I recieved from her."

George Washington

"I remember my mothers's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life."

Abraham Lincoln

The impact we have as a Mother upon the world is limitless. What an incredible job we have been given when God blesses us with a child. It is a noble task, a holy calling, a riverbed of meeting needs & learning just how selfish one is & thus what it is to be a servant. Is it always glamorous and fun, NO...it is stretching & challenging & will stretch one further than she has ever been stretched spiritually, physically & emotionally. Yet, it is foundational to the civilizing of our world.

The impacts of a Mothers choices in her own home have lasting effects upon society at large. We, as grown adult women who have been entrusted with children have got to grow up and stop selfishly trying to free ourselves from our God given task of mothering through twiddling away their days at this place and that, at this activity and that, watching this TV show with horrible attitudes and that one, sending them to this neighbors home and that one. There is NO computer game, expensive curriculium, latest coolest toy or game that will shape morally, lovingly, good natured, smart children like that of a grounded, daily, lovingly disciplining presence of a Mother.

I will say it again even clearer....Babies R Us & all their gadgets & widgets will not form healthy, happy, well behaved children. All that stuff unfortunately clutters a mothers home & thus steals her time in choosing which seat or widget her child should sit. Her loving nurturing presence is what a child desires.

Mothers are civilizers of the next generation. It is high time we stop twiddling away our time in our homes. Just as we make a plan to workout, or reach goals in school or a job, so a plan is needed for your homelife. Don't wait until your child is a teen to be intentional about what kind of homelife you want to shape him/her. Seize the day, seize the hour.

May your heart be prodded toward the saplings in your home as you honestly evaluate their upbringing in YOUR home. They are precious souls longing for beauty & hope & adventure. What will you fill their childhood with?

Yes, you are civilizing your community, your town, city & thus the world through your job as a mother. Embrace it with vigor & joy & a thankful heart. It really is fun when you let down and lean into this season of life.

civ-i-lize

1. to create a high level of culture

2. to teach somebody to behave in a more socially, morally and culturally acceptable way.

Enlighten, cultivate, improve, advance subdue in terms of a people or nation.

Update: Just read at http://aholyexperience.com about nourishing your children with you...beautiful, life giving, make your heart swell with hope and vision...if you want a rich blessing of beauty trekk on over there aholyexperience.com

Off to the Creek House...

2010-05-03T04:59:00.000-07:00

Bags are packed.

Our floors are being torn up this week in prep for some hardwoods going down to support this large family & friends & lots of traffic...so we gotta get outa here!

Johnny Jump Up, baby food, 1 pair of keens & 1 pair of tennis shoes for each child, pj's, undies & grubby clothes for creek digging, fishing, hiking & rolling in the grass.

J made two arrows with his pocket knife yesterday out of sticks.
Both boys are in....yes, camo.

We are pumped for some time deep in nature, observing & learning more to identify creatures and trees.

Blessings on your week...

People influence people...

2010-05-02T05:16:00.000-07:00

Ever have things left unsaid that need to be said. Or people that you love that you don't tell often enough? I do. And so, after reading her heartfelt letter of things that needed to be said to her kids, I have written a letter to her...long overdue.

Dear Laura,

Yesterday I finsihed up and sent in my application for that mac daddy Mom Heart Intensive Training with Sally Clarkson & Whole Heart Ministries. As I wrote my personal story of meeting Jesus, my experience with books or conferences by Whole Heart your name & memories flooded my heart.

I don't think I've said it in a long time & mabey never as clearly as I've wanted to...so I need to say it today while it is today. Your life and sharing life with you has shaped and influenced me...a lot. Thank you for leading that Bible study in the wrestling room at Hickory High School early, early in the morning and letting me see for the first time people my age reading the bible. Thank you for writing me encouraging notes in my first years of learning to walk with Jesus. Thank you for showing me what it could look like.

Thank you for introducing me to Anne of Green Gabels. Remember watching those movies in my basement?

Looking back, one of the real reason's I went to App. was to be near you- to room with you & be around those Jesus loving cool folks at Mt. Vernon. I was captivated by the way you lived life.

That first year, when I got so 'busy for Jesus' and tried so hard to be that Prov 31 woman & started judging everyone by the same standards I was keeping that made me feel like I was getting 'more holy' or 'closer to Jesus', I judged you too. I competed with you. I looked down on your and Matt's blossimg relationship because I judged it by the standards I had set for myself (which were intirely unrealistic). I am sorry. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?

What a beautiful sense of humor Father has in that the teacher of the conference that peirced my pharisaciacal flesh fell in love with me & married me 2 years to the weekend after that Grace Walk conf. he taught. Guess God knew I would need a good theologian for a husband to keep me straight! :)

Even tho we missed out on a few years of eachothers lives as we were both getting settled into married life, I am so thankful you chose to forgive me and we were able to share life with my first toddler & your first baby girl when we both lived in Hickory. Thank you for giving me The Mission of Motherhood & working out at the Y with me & being a safe friend to share hopes & dreams & hard spots. Thank you for getting food and coming over to make James and I sit down on a blanket & eat on our moving day to WA. Thank you for doing the hard work of packing with me & for the life giving words you wrote on my boxes that I found when I unpacked in my new home.

Your life impacts.
Your humor is refreshing.
You love out loud.

After our 1st pastorate experience, eyes opened wide, who did James and I want to be with...you and Matt. Thank you for hosting us on our healing, slow-return drive from WA to NC. Thank you for babysitting our 3 kids so we could nurture our marriage & absorb what we had just experienced & be present to our pain. Thank you for being silly with our kids at the table, for squirting whip cream in their little bird like mouths, filling them with wonder & joy. You are so darn special Laura Leigh Parker. I still get a fun silly spell when I open a whip cream bottle & glory over the squeals of my little ones lining up for a squirt! I don't think I've ever told you that. I want you to know.

And taking me to that tea room in CO. Walking in to such beauty & you saying "Today, any guest from Wenatchee gets in free." Oh you love so lavishly.

And after our 6 months deep in the woods hiking & healing & finally finding a job & moving into another rental & I began grieving on a whole new level the Whole Hearted Mama sisters I left in WA...what showed up at our door...a trampoline!@#$!- We believe in your family...have fun! the parkers.

I know you do these things & live this life of love because you have been given to, you have been so dearly loved by others & mostly by Abba. But, my oh my, what grace that my life got to intersect with yours & that I have gotten to love & be loved by you.

I'm thankful for you.
I miss you girl. I look forward to lots of tea & stories & face time in heaven.

I love you.
Lots,
Amanda Scott

the parkers moved last month to be missionaries in thailand with their 3 chilren to direct a christian orphanage for girls. their story is beautiful & unique & honest. you would be blessed to check it out.

http://www.lauraleighparker.com

Jesus Smiles Upon His Children

2010-04-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

Don't you think?
How do you picture Jesus as you walk through your days...is he close or far away...is he formal & unapproachable or is he close & accepting?
May these pictures tear into your soul reminding you that 'it is finished' the veil has been torn, our God is approachable because He who knew NO sin, became sin so that we may become the righteousness of God in Christ. We are totally loved yes, but SO MUCH MORE, we are totally accepted IN Christ. We can not gain any more acceptance because of what we 'do' or 'don't do' or how 'good' we act or don't act.
Oh that we would fully grasp this as women who greatly influence those around us. May we RECIEVE God's delight in us, his lavish love towards us each day & dwell there pouring that same love & acceptance & delight out upon those in our sphere of influence.
May you be blessed as you gaze upon these beautiful pencil drawings....
May you draw close to the heart of God & be reminded of how he feels about his children.

Shalom,
Amanda Scott
beloved daughter of God
forgiven
free from condemnation
holy and dearly loved
created in Christ Jesus for good works that he prepared a long time ago
sinful, inadequate, sometimes moody woman who often/daily leans into Jesus embrace

Spring joys

2010-04-15T19:04:00.001-07:00

Sipping english toffee milk shakes in wine glasses 'just because' it is finally spring after a cold, cold, snowy winter.

The first blossom on our cherry tree & kids favorite climbing tree & little girls running around in bathing suits & pajama bottoms, gardening gloves & plastic necklaces, frilly socks & pink shoes.

A lovely evening meal in a new dress to celebrate our 11th anniversary with the most beautiful tulips from my husband.

Living story-formed

2010-03-13T05:01:00.000-08:00

Through story we draw connections between the happenings of life and the lessons of God. We catch God suddenly in the thick of our days, disclosures unraveling out of the mundane. Such awareness transforms life from a series of random events to the poetic realm of a sacred tale.

Sue Monk Kidd's Firstlight

This week I wandered into our local bookstore alone, with time and space to wander. Gentle smile on my face as I'm freed up more and more to be giddy over my joy of books, my love of words & the comfort of holding a book in my hands, turning pages of others stories, of french country decorating, of James Herriot, of raising chickens, of Good Night Moon & My World that I've been reading monthly for 8 years now. Square Foot Gardening sat on the check out counter & I smiled with memory of my dad giving me the book only weeks ago as I dropped off my little girl for a weekend with grandparents on my way to the airport & weekend of refreshment, re-souling. I read s.l.o.w.l.y unlike my first reading last year as I got the basics to start our first square foot beauty. The owner commented about Mel's visit to our little town last weekend & my jaw dropped...I missed it. We chatted & I gleaned from her learnings & enthusiam about following his methods of gardening.

And, thus I'm reminded my life is a story being written each day with fresh possibilities & weavings.

I wandered to the nature writings, audobon books, children's books then calligraphy books and I sit with one & glean inspiration. Desire wells to pick it back up. Memories of my week at John C. Campbell folk school, staying in rustic cabin freshly married. As I begin my exit, I see Sue Monk Kidds books. Feel the soft yellow blanket around me that wiped the water from eyes while reading The Secret Life of Bees 5 years ago. I see a new book, unaware I browse it & know it is landing in my story, finding me where I am as I read the back... "stories that trace Kidd's development as a writer and spiritual seeker; explore her roles as mother, daughter, wife, nurse and artist; and reflect on what she has learned in settings as far-flung as Africa and as familiar as her own home."

I exhale as my own timid self is learning with training wheels on to write, to speak, to be bold in love & live with my Voice that was once lost in a horror memory but He has healed & replaced with beauty yet still, I studder and trip up with the fear of rejection of coming across too bold & hurting another soul where the desire was to bless.

And so, I buy the book.
And each morning I sit with Kidds words & stories in her book Firstlight and my heart cracks open bit by bit & my soul is strengthened for the story my life longs to live.

Here is a bit from first chapter- The Crucible of Story...

God, the sublime storyteller, calls us into the passion of telling our tale. But creating personal spiritual stories is an act of soul-making that does not happen automatically. It comes only as we risk stepping into the chaos of our lives and naming the angels that inhabit the shadows. It comes as we give espression to our struggle for individual meaning, identity, and truth, as we wrestle with angels both light and dark, and celebrate the places where God stirs. In the crucible of story we become artists of meaning.

A day in our life

2010-02-09T10:43:00.000-08:00

Aunt Juanita is being buried today. Tho I wasn't close to her, she was a link to my past and I grieve today.

Being around my husbands line of work I am weekly in touch with the dying, the man who sits at the front door all day listening to the radio, the hunched over lady with pink rollers in her hair, the kind souls whose minds & bodies are failing them and are living out their last days in a beautiful building in a small room twice the size of my dorm room in college. Each time I leave there I vow to live my life fully & well, one day at a time, to breath deep & embrace the LIFE around me. This can be hard when so many demands are upon me in this season of life, when I grow tired & weary & lonely. Or when I have a pouty child, or one too many tiff's to straighten out or when both pairs of jeans that fit are in the laundry...okay so, you get my point...there are many little & big things that can rob us of LIFE today- of joy if we let em. IF.

With that in mind, here is one of my recent, 'todays' where I sought to have EYEs to see the beauty in my midst, in this homeschooling lifestyle. There are no frills or firecrackers in daily life around here. Yet, it is holy ground, this shaping of souls, this leading a life of bold love & service- pouring your life out for others. It's not about me anymore. It's about my children who will be grown adults & parents before I can blink, and about my grandchildren & great great grandchildren. I'm living today with them in mind. Tho I am only one ordinary lady I believe this work I put my hands to each day matters. So, as I went about my day I remembered a recent defination of beauty as 'a way of seeing.'

And this is what I saw....

After morning chores & devotions, saying goodbye to daddy & doing a little table school work- math, spelling, comprehension for Joshua & mazes & letters for littles they got out play dough & wa la'-made mazes & ladybugs & worms.

Absolutely beautiful, creative budding artist & friendships.

Then, checking his work, I find this.

I gulp, tear up & rub my man cubs head. He is so good at expressing himself.

Then reading Mr. Popper's Penguins Jed, wiggling in my lap this physical touch, hold me, hold me, let me sit in your 'wap' Mama boy!

No matter the age, they all come to the well of Mama's love & lap it up in any number of ways throughout the day...beautiful, this snuggling, this high-fiving, this back rubbing that goes on during our day.

My 2nd graders to-do list...
...line by line...day by day...food for the mind

in this dailyness of work, of stick to it ivenss I see beauty

Hearing coo's & 'da,da,da' from the nursery while I finish reading aloud, I walk back to get our littlest bitty shug & this is what I find....

oh, the joy of those fresh from a long nap snuggles & pats on my face. I pause & glory in her tinyness, her two teeth, her happy self reaching for me in these days of learning to bond....yes, she is learning so much in these first days in the world. She is in school too, our school of love.

We keep learning & reading even as she nurses...and listens to the sounds of our voices, to good sentences (most the time) being spoken & thus she learns the rhythms of our days.

Free Play!!! While I put away some books & exhale a moment- sometimes a vanilla chia break! I make lunch for us, chuckle over the giddy little hearts getting all dressed up. It's sometimes risky to let them run free & choose what they what to get into but so good this self directed play.

Meals are part of school here too. I am shaping taste buds & eating habits & little minds and bodies are growing daily! Dare we underestimate the power of good nutrition in the overall well being of a child...a child's ability to concentrate & learn. I don't make anything fancy for lunches around here but its usually good enough. If you don't like it, then wait till afternoon snack. :)

I love watching this girl play & imagine. Her voices, her expressions, her creativity is a little life pulse in our home. Beautiful!

Sweet Potatos for Libby girl this week! And yes, even Mommy makes big messes around here! It is all part of life. Messes are signs of work of creativity in the making around here. We don't live to look like Southern Living at Home, tho we do like to be stylish, and we do know how to pick up right nice if we know your coming over! ; )

The joy of neighbors dropping by for a snowy day game of chess or ruckus...these boy voices having fun in my den, laughing, bantering back & forth.

Ahhh, the welcoming of an evening... the lighting of candles...the pouring of a glass of wine...

And the final clean up of the day, the tucking in of our messes...these million little signs of life.

Good night! Good night!

Far flies the light;

But still God's love

Shall flame above,

Making all bright.

Good night! Good night!

Good Night

by Victor Hugo

Beauty Hunting

2010-02-06T03:34:00.001-08:00

I've been beauty hunting lately. On the look out for pieces of beauty to bring into my home which will enhance the atmosphere in which I do my job, host & love on others, raise up these four young saplings, and enjoy life with my husband. Tho were no longer in official church ministry, our home more than ever seems to be a place of touching the hurting, sharing food & joy. Our home is a revolving door of sorts, a magnet to the neighborhood kids & passerby's. So all this to say, as the lady of the home I am desiring to add creative, thoughtful touches to my home this year. I have been riping pages out of magazines- just like you taught me Catherine, back in 8th grade :) ! I'm learning to go with what stirs me, makes me jitter a little & come alive. As I was showing some of my magazine clippings to a friend we came to a page with a couch & lots of other stuff- but I pointed out the yellow urn with red berries on the coffee table & commented on its rustic, whispy beauty. She piped right up & candidly said, "Ask Jesus for it, I'm sure you'll run into it somewhere." A little humorously jolted by her candor, I kept flipping pages. Deep down the little girl in me-"Jesus is too busy for this kind of stuff..." But that night I remembered her words & whispered a half hearted, "Jesus do you really care about how blah I feel in my home, would you maybe lead me to a yellow old vase for my home?" kinda prayer as I'm brushing teeth, laying out clothes for tommorrow, in a fog, ready to crash into bed.

That week as I walked through an ecclectic store I was scanning the place for a touch of unique beauty I could bless my home with, I wasn't finding anything & was resolving that I am just too darn picky- good ole' lies from that enemy & that I just can't make decisions fast enough. When looking over the last corner of the store, I found it.... I gasped & chuckled as a quick burst of water filled my eyes. I looked behind my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me & relieved to be alone I smiled from ear to ear with Jesus who has no longer called me servant but his friend- remember John 15:12-17 that I was memorizing last week. We had a sweet moment togther in that store, he and I. Me thanking & him affirming me of his presence in the details of my life, his love & care towards me, his daughter.

After my private little cry, laugh session in a little downtown store, I ran my fingers over the urn and checked it out a little closer. Ah man, a crack. A visible crack that has been glued, and a price tag that reflects it & says 'as is.' Unique, rustic, and broken, visibly broken & put back together. Just like me. I'll take it.

Thank you, Father. Thank you. You are too good, showing up in the oddest places in my life, like thrift stores. I love it! Keep captivating me Lord Jesus with the wonder of YOU. Set my eyes on you. Sustain me with your presence. Let me see you in my day. Give me eager eyes & heart to truly see you, acknowledge you cause truly, you are there. You have me chuckling & thinking & in the quiet closet of my heart today as I share this story & these little treasures you've delighted in showing me which all have some sort of personal deeper significance for me, I'm on my face washing your feet with perfume & tears & song.

Sing with me...

How Great is our God

Name above all Names

You are worthy of all praise

My heart will sing How Great, how GREAT is OUR GOD!

Living grateful for...

2010-02-03T13:35:00.000-08:00

-my keens & fun socks my sister gave me for christmas
-the happy lime green shirt i'm wearing with white pattern on it
-4 tiny fingers wrapped around my thumb
-sam- our college age, vibrant, God loving babysitter
-scruffy kisses from my man
-gift of going to TX with a dear friend in 4 weeks
-david nuvue's panio music- thank you deshia!
-REI waterbottles
-my mom's voice that touches me like no one elses
-little house on the praire re-runs
-helpful librarians when my kids are fidgity
-grace, grace, grace for my tattered self
-abby's sweet 3 year old 'guurl' voice
-candles that welcome our evenings
-a husband that goes to work every day
-a warm house
-3 pairs of snow boots lined up by the front door
-life cereal
-a vintage type yellow vase I found when beauty hunting today
(thot of you kristen!)

i am blessed.
may my face, my countance reflect this abundant goodness.
i enter my evening with a pause. my days are so full. i fall into bed at night.
such a good tired, tho. of having worked hard, having put my hands to the task before me.
i am grateful for this job before me, this good work i have to put my hands to each day. it is hard, it is challenging, it is creative, it is mundane, it is also life giving & so rewarding. these souls i touch, shape each day are flourishing...learning, growing, loving.
may you to see the goodness before your eyes today,
as you live and breath
and love those
around
you.

let's not sweat the small stuff, eh?
there is lots of life to be lived,
seeds of hope to be sown,
hugs to be given and
dreams dreamt.

shalom,
amanda

I Am Christ's Friend

2010-02-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

Heres the verse on my window sill this week. Reading it over & over as I wash dishes over & over & over & reach for plates & coffee cups ect....letting truth seep into my soul & desiring to see how the Spirit may

remind me of these words this week.

As I walk through a bit of my own friend wilderness

I feel ripe to recieve the wonder of these words.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down

his life for his friends.

You are my friends if you do what I command.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know

his master's business.

Instead, I have called you friends,

for everything that I learned form my Father I have made known to you.

(this is where I want to put some exclamation marks..)

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you

(how amazing is that- you dear one, are chosen & appointed by God)

to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last.

Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

This is my command:

Love each other."

John 15:12-17

Morsals of a 40th B-day

2010-01-29T06:54:00.001-08:00

Some birthdays come and go, but some call for extra pauses & lots of extra 'sursies' (what my mom calls special treats). This 40th birthday of my amazing husband was full of both & I am grateful. Today, exhausted, I look back with a smile on the memories & want to share with many of you who were a part of making his birthday so special in some way. Thank you for entering the day...
He had a big ole plate of blueberry pancakes & scrambled eggs (from our neighbors chickens :) for breakfast & then left for work. We all scurried around & got dressed & left a big mess & went to his office where all the residents had gathered for a suprise party for him that Peggy organized with yummy choclate brownies because James is a choclate guy.

Here we are at Kingsbridge House- him in his new birthday shirt & tie- thanks Mom & Dad!

He woke to this... second best to having a party for him was letting you guys know it was his birthday & asking for some words for him & boy did he get some cards!!!! Thank you to those of you who spoke into his life, spoke joy & hope & laughter over him. I appreciate it so much. He was quite suprised!

Thank you to those of you who were able to write to him. He was blown away...from all you Wenatcheeites who took a moment to remember him, to family & friends- he opened over 20 cards and 5 emails with birthday words for him.

From brownies in the morning at Kingsbridge House to a choclate chip cookie cake at Cedar Mountian House to 7 layer bars after dinner the guy was sung to & celebrated & chocked full of choclate!

I made lots of phone calls during the day- searching for a truck & willing person to pick up his big gift from Lowes & bring it to our home. After the party at Kingsbridge, driving to Ashvile for my bible study & kids play time with friends, taking boys to their art class, then going to the party at Cedar Mountain House, I was exhausted & out of ideas. Atleast I had some Wendell Barry books for him to open that night, I thought.
We came home & all snuggled in my bed while I nursed Liberty & felt bummed as I was coming to grips that he would just have to go pick up his own 40th birthday gift when my friend, Erin called & said her husband Tim had not gotten my messages. He had a short window & was willing to go get the grill & bring it out to our house! Sigh of relief & a grin- yes, Jesus, you would come through at the last minute just when I had given up. Thank you Father!

...the day ended wrestling with his little man cubs who love to test their strength on their daddy who can still pin their 8 & 5 year old selves at the same time!

Here's to a wonderful day-

a life well lived

with hopes of many, many more

birthdays & sursies to come

for a man

who loves

who serves & protects

who provides for his family

who delights in his daughters

who listens to & tenderly cherishes his wife

who enjoys U2, well written words, good beer, his bee hive, long hikes deep in the woods.

Bless you, James Corey Walters!

Living As An Accepted Daughter

2010-01-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

Accept one another, then, just as

Christ accepted you,

in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:7

This year I am resolved to committ scripture to memory, to hide God's precious words about my acceptance in Christ, my security in Christ, and my significance in Christ in my heart. Memorizing scripture is something I want to do more of this year, I invite you to join me. Each week one of the liberating truths about my position as a believer will be on a little card & sitting beside my desk. This week it is Romans 15:7

For me, learning about my acceptance in Christ years ago at a grace walk conf. freed me to accept myself, the imperfect lady that I am- with good & yucky parts, and then bled into my joy of being with others- being able to freely & completely accept them and enjoy them. Oh, isn't Jesus amazing. Truly, he came to save us from our selves- from the need to be critical of others, to size up what they are or aren't 'doing.'

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

They are not just idle words for you- they are your life. Deu. 32:47

....what'l ya say, lets feast on 'em, ruminate on 'em, ponder 'em

and let them ever so slowly transform us...our thots, actions...

R U Ready Mama?

2010-01-15T17:19:00.000-08:00

Cause this is pretty cool!!!

This past week Liberty assumed the position to crawl & was thrilled with herself! She rocked back and forth a few times & plundered onto her belly. Precious girl!

She hasn't done it much since & is pretty content sitting up with a toy in her hand or in the johnny jump up saying " da, da, da, da." What a ray of sunshine this little girl is in our home!

Today I let things go a bit & lingered extra long with her after nursing.
I snuggled her close.
I kissed all over her neck.
I sang This is the day to her.
I was still with her.
We giggled together.
We loved on eachother.
I gloried in this gift of a woman child on my knee that Father has lavished me with to raise up.
What an honor!
Her first year is flying by.

Wisdom from The Little Prince

2010-01-08T11:56:00.000-08:00

Our families flooded us with some rich literature for Christmas. Whoo- hooo!

As the 3 older kids get to choose a bin to build with- lego, lincoln log, wooden blocks
or a puzzle to work- I read aloud to them after we've done some book work at the
table. This week we have plunged into The Little Prince by Antonine De Saint-Exupery.
It is sweet. Short chapters. Simple little drawings of the Prince, his planet & the creatures
he encounters. I have never read it before.

Today, it caught me by suprise, lump in throat & teary.

So true how GOOD LITERATURE apeals to ALL ages.
Speaks on many different levels.
Oh that the art of reading aloud to children would become habit & JOY
in homes and in schools all acoss the land!
That we would consider ourselves RICH not because of the big ole TV's we own
but because of the numerous places we visit through books, the diverse people
and animals we discover....because of the people who loved us enough to read stories
that build character & values into us.

As the Prince is talking to the fox about being lonely
"...having friends to find and things to learn." He is missing his one small flower he
cared for on his planet & his 3 little volcanoes & is searching for meaning in life, and
wondering what his life is going to be about.

Then the prince says goodbye to the fox so he can get on with his journey.

"Good bye," said the fox.

"Here is my secret. It's quite simple:

One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

Oh that Jesus would open the eyes of our hearts today to SEE with the eyes of our hearts, truly see what is of value.

My bestest gift this year

2009-12-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

There is a gift no package can hold

no glitter or gloss perfect

Mundane tasks & chores & daily routines

which seems so bland & lowly

Yet with this man day in and out

my life is richer still

The trash is taken to the curb each week

and this with his eldest son by his side

The wood he carries in & stokes the fire

as I read & snuggle & mother our children

so freely in a way I dreamed & am so blessed

to do- without worry of food or shelter

His steady presence, his servant leadership

the way he drinks his coffee each morning at

our breakfast table & sits quietly with God's

Words as the children do their chores & I

make breakfast, Oh Jesus keep me from

grumbling when he leaves his cereal bowl

in the sink or committs some minor act

that ruffles my feathers

For this gift from Your hand

I recieve anew

this gift of a man who daily breaths

life into our children with me

who partners with me in this taking dominion

over the earth, our acre of land, our 4 living children

joshua, jed, abby & liberty-blessed by the sitting on

his knee, the testing of their strength in his muscles

as they wrestle, the steady pulse of his hugs & kisses and

his love for their momma

A gift that no money can buy yet the next generation will

be built upon for as they watch him love me through the daily

things he does behind our 4 walls the boys are learning how to love

a woman one day and the girls

they grow in their ability to

trust a mans hand one day.

I have entered the covenant of marriage

with this man with flesh & imperfections

and today I affirm my respect of him, my committment to him,

to our marriage that has had its tears & tatters over our 10 short

years together.

My gift of a book, a shirt, a travel coffee mug only dabbles at the edge of the sea of

the gift of love my heart swims in each day as I walk alongside you, my Arogorn.

slow snowy days

2009-12-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

snow has fallen over the walters ranch.
8 in' & a thick layer of ice.
our days are full of sledding & hot choclate & a hearty dose of the nutcracker.
liberty's stocking arrived in the mail today. whew!
wrapped gifts for others tonight.
invited neighbors over for christmas movie & popcorn & m&m's last night.
mama jo came last week for early christmas- showered kids with books & darth vador suit for joshua & clone trooper suit for jed & 10 animal masks for abby- they are elated!
baked pumpkin breads today.
going slow & breathing deep in these holy days of advent.
grieving william all over again even tho it's been 6 years since I said goodbye.
boy, i'm glad jesus was born.
i'm so glad he came to earth.
a light in the darkness.

Liberty

2009-10-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

Last week Liberty crossed over into her 5th month of life and I've just been hankerin' to share this precious little gem of a girl child. I am so sad today that you aren't getting your hands on her Karin Abbott cause Lord knows you'd be droppin by to squeeze her & tell her how much Jesus loves her & what super plans He must have for her- I can hear you saying that to Jed & Abby as babies. And Kristen, baby hood just isn't as sweet without your girls ooohing & awing & holding & coddling in their precious way ...those little mama's your raising in Halle & Maia. So, although I am writing for those who do keep up with our fam through this cool blog thing, I guess tonight this ones for those Wenatchee gals that I said goodbye to 2 years ago & just haven't been quite as alive & free since & full since our parting.

Here's my Liberty. My baby woman so full of genteness, with eyes that gleam a sweet knowing, with little fingers that grasp my thumb each morning & evening as we lay in my bed & nurse, her toey's twitching against my thigh, her softness next to me speaking a language only mothers & daughters can comprehend.

And here is her big sister who glories each day in this gift of a sister God has given to her! She delights in this baby child & "reads" to her & speaks in that sweet oochie goochie voice & says the EXACT same things I say to her! Man is she learning about mothering or what!?! Lord, just please let her forget my super bad days!

Hat's off to little girls & new life & the sin that God has rescued us from in Christ- the ways he daily liberats us to be the men & women he created us to be in this world for his glory. My need for a savior is daily aparent to me. I am so thankful for Jesus. Truly, it is for FREEDOM Christ set us free, therefore, dear ones, let us STAND firm and not be bound again by a yoke of slavery.

Oh, that we would lift our hands to the moon, close our eyes and twirl basking in our Fathers undeserved unconditional LOVE for us, with us, chasing us, hunting us down every day.

Freedom to create

2009-10-09T06:34:00.002-07:00

This past weekend our family took a big ole' road trip. My man was headed to Raleigh to see U2 and we decided to make it a family trip & see some old friends who were gracious enough to host us, let us eat their food & sleep in their beds & sleeping bags. It was sweet to see our kids bond. My man took an extra day off work so we could enjoy the Marbles mesuem in Raleigh as a family on Friday. Endless creative, imaginative play at this place if ever your in the area.

As I have returned to my own home, unpacked, done laundry & recouped from the adventure my heart has been so full after recieving the gift of being in the Morrison, Moon & Cobb households. It is rare to get to be a part of 3 different families lives within 4 days. Their was such uniqueness in each home & this week I have been reminded how I as the woman of my home have the freedom to make this place- my home- my sphere of influence- what I desire it to be through my creative touches & unique sense of beauty & style but also through my heart attitudes. I am reminded that the ones around me draw from my state of presence- pouty or peaceful presence- hurried & anxty or relaxed & gracefulness.

How thankful I am to get to share lifes journey with friends who are in a similar season of raising children. Today I am living grateful for Anna & Scott, Julian, Madelyn, Kalen & Brayden....Catherine & Steven, J.P., Luke & Anna...Angela & Jay & Ava. Your a blessing to us!

Habits

2009-09-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

7. Never give a command that you do not intend to see carried out to the full.

"by and by, when he is old enough, take the child into confidence; let him know what a noble thinkg it is to be a ble to make himself do, ina minute, and brightly , the very thing he would rather not do. To secure this habit of obedience, the mother must exercise great self-restraint; she must never give a command which she does not intend to see carried out to the full. And she must not lay upon her children burdens, grievous to be borne, of command heaped upon command." (Vol. 1, p. 164)

Laying Down the Rails a Charlotte Mason handbook by Sonya Shafer

How often I do this! Give tooo many commands & over burden my little ones. Or I ask a child to do a simple task, "Put the crayons in the pail" and I busy myself with something else or keep prodding him or am just so caught up in something else & want to avoid conflict that I move on.

This book has been mentioned by many that I respect the past year & I finally found a sweet friend who had it & was willing to share. So here I am diving in & I just appreciate the way it is
already bringing light to some things that are frustrating me in daily life & giving some teaching & direction for my mind to mull over & implement with my children.

"As you read Charlotte's thoughts on habits, may you be encouraged and motivated anew to lay down the rails of good habits upon which your child can run well into the future!"

Today...

2009-09-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am thankful.
I am choosing to give thanks instead of grumble.
My heart leans toward the later these days as I feel homesick for souls out of my reach.
So, today I am bundling the hurt and letting Jesus lead my eyes to rest on gifts which I can give thanks.

I am thankful

for my husband who brought me coffee in the bedroom this morning.
for disposable diapers cause I can't imagine doing cloth this go round.
for a sister who has great taste & passes on her kids cute clothes.
for a trampoline some killer friends gave us because my sons jumped like mad & laughed their hearts out after a full morning of books & art.
for my God who listened as I whispered, "I can't" this morning & he ushered in with, "No, but I can."
for a homemade granola recipe that is simple to make & just filled my hungry nursing body.
for Susan Wise Bauer using her gifts to write an excellent language arts book because today I learned just what a helping verb really is.
for Sam who exuberates with life & love & beauty & loves my kids too & enjoys being with them when James & I want to go out on a date- tonight!
for a Mama who calls to tell me she loves me in her busy days.
for this happy alert baby woman by my side who squels at me & laughs & has the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen.

Raising Readers

2009-09-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

I read The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease this summer and highly recomend it. Not only is there a huge list of good books with a descriptions & age range & number of pages but his research is well done. Here is a bit from the book...

In 1985, the Commission issued its report, Becoming a Nation of Readers. It is, in my opinion, the most important and commonsense education document in twenty-five years. Among its primary findings, two simple declarations rang loud and clear:

"The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading is reading aloud to children.

The Commission found conclusive evidence to support the use of reading aloud not only in the home but also in the classroom: "It is a practice that should continue throughout the grades."

What the experts were saying was that reading aloud was more important than worksheets, homework, assessments, book reports, and flash cards.

One reason my husband and I have chosen this home schooling lifestyle is to nurture our childrens natural love of learning things and this is best done with plenty of time and space to explore BOOKS- places, people, soccer, yes star wars too!, animals, why we only see the stars at night, keeping a bee hive. EmilyDickinson said it so well...

# 1263

There is no frigate like a Book

To take us Lands away

Nor any Coursers like a Page

Of prancing Poetry-

This Traverse may the poorest take

Without oppress of Toll-

How frugal is the Chariot

That bears the Human soul.

Emily Dickenson c.1873

With a 7, 4, 3 & 3 month old I am still in the throws myself of some hard squirmy days while reading or fusses about who gets to sit beside Mom or "she took my..." so do not for a second begin to picture me peacefully reading to my kids all day & wonder why it is so hard for you. I'm learning & messing up & keepin' on going just like most of you are in different areas of your life.

But, I must say that I am seeing progress. Today after reading a chapter of Henry Huggins- a chapter book about a boy and his dog while I thought Jed was in his own world with his lego man beside me, he protested adimantly when I closed the book at the end of that chapter & was moving on to read History with Joshua. And Abby, she is totally in love with Clara in the Nutcracker. We have a shortened version- still about 20 pages with beautiful illustrations- and when I tell her to pick any book and I will read it- well, I better be ready to really read cause that is what she chooses & buddy she knows if I skip the littlest part!

Charlotte Mason has taught me a lot about learning to choose what she called living books. She taught me how we 'dumb down' stuff for kids & called this twaddle. I urge you to take a look at your books & see if they have real sentences with thoughts and ideas.

This school year I am working through Rebecca Manor's Teaching Character through Literature.

You can find this at http://www.bfbooks.com/. There is a reading list with discussion questions- short- but helps you bring the meat out of it.

Other resources that I've gleaned from in this area.

Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt

Who should We Then Read? by Jan Bloom

The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease

This is us at night. Each child has a good reading light and a book basket at the end of their bed. They get to look at books, read, make up stories about the pictures they see-what ever you want to call it, but THEY are in direct contact with books by themselves. It helps to wind them down at the end of the day. Just sharing some of what I've learned & am learning. Be blessed today, curl up & enjoy some good books with someone you love.

Rock a Bye Time

2009-09-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

Jane came to drink hot tea & eat dessert & chat with us young women several years ago.

We invited her to come, us young pups in the throws of dirty diapers & new marriages, all

humbled enough to know we could use to glean some insight from an older lady who had been

around the block a few times.

I can still see the room, see her sitting peaceful & glowing, calm & contented like sharing her story with us. In a nut shell, after 2 kids & living the good ole' American life- with great jobs & a big house & mula for stuff & fun each month she & her husband started asking the question...What are we doing? ...Is this suppost to be the 'good' life cause were not really happy? After lots of searching their own hearts & asking hard questions they ended up adopting several children- over the course of several years.

Some of the children had suffered from neglect and came to them first as foster parents. I had never heard true stories of this & my little safe bubble was horrified to learn of her child who screamed at the sight of flies. Why? Because locked in a bedroom for a long, long time, she was starving & to live she ate flies. She was only a child and haunted by the memories.

From a nice, happy life with 2 healthy kids, lots of evenings out with her man & time for herself to a bustling home with lots of children & choosing to school some of them at home.

We asked the question...something like this- What advice do you wish an older woman would of given you in these exhausting days we are in of raising little children? What words are on your heart concerning young mothers?

She then told lots of stories of what she came to call "Rock a Bye Time." Whether it was a toddler or a young school kid or one of her teenagers she spoke about how time sitting down in her rocking chair close to her children effected them...and her. About how it effected the tone of her home, how it built bridges, how it softened hearts, how it soothed anger and put a dab of ointment on wounds she probably didn't even know about.

Lately, I have been thankful for how feeding a baby slows one down. As I sit in my own rocking chair these days, I am rarely alone. Not just one on my lap but yes, today all three big kids were sitting with me in the chair. The music was turned on to dance after our full morning of books & table time & cleaning up a bit & reciting our verse for the week in front of the wipey board we turned on the music to dance but my feet were tired & my eyes were too so I slumped in my rocking chair and my son put on one of their favorite dance tunes....only instead of dancing little feet scampered over & climbed up on the arms of the rocking chair. I felt soft cheeks resting on my arms. Then even my almost 8 year old boy stood in front of me with a little soft grin, "Is there room for me?"

Dear mother, where do you find your self today? Overwhelmed by _____, stressed out from ______, discouraged by______. A baby that is fussy, a toddler that has more energy than you can handle, the thot of feeding everyone something healthy tonight? We all have something to fill in that blank. Don't let the enemy fool you that SHE has it all together. Whatever IT may be can I challenge you or better yet us to linger more in the rocking chair than in the grumy slumps of "I have soooo much to do" martyr mode. Yes, I have been there too lately. Somehow, rock a bye time has had a way of letting priorities come more into focus for me and my cup is fuller during these demanding days rather than empty. It is a process, sure.

But for today, there is a song in my heart & a slight grin on my face & a thankful attitude for the way the Holy Spirit has reminded me of Janes story recently & her words from over 4 years ago.

Who could use a little rock a bye time in your home today?

Raising the Cowboy

2009-09-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Little boys...who understands them? I am entering new phases with my little man cubs & I'm not really sure if I'm raising them well some days. John Eldridge's book The Way of the Wild Heart is giving insight & courage & understanding these days.

Here is a bit from the chapter about raising the cowboy...which is what I have two of!
cowboy stage is through age 13...

You have a strength, and it is needed. When a man feels that to be true of him, he rises up and engages like a man. As a boy begins to become a young man, there are some key issues at stake. He needs to know he possesses a genuine strength, and he needs to know that strength is ultimately for others. There is a bravery that must be cultivated in him, for it will be called upon in every other stage of his life. Adventure comes into play to develop the masculine soul, because adventure calls us out, requires us to be something we want to be but aren't sure we are. Adventure nourishes and strengthens a man's heart in ways that cannot be fully articulated, must be experienced.

As I explained in Wild at Heart, adventure is a spiritual longing set in the heart of every man. Notice that in the tales told in Scripture, whenever God gets hold of a man he takes that man into an adventure of the first order. Abraham, called out of Ur, to follow this God to a land he has never seen, never to return. Jacob, wrestling with God in the wilderness in the dead of night. Peter, called out of the boat to Christ in a raging storm.

Playful memory

2009-09-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just as I'm about to slip into exhaustion & a grumbling heart upon thots of washing dishes, evening routines and chores left undone, my husband announces, "Everyone OUTSIDE!!!, including Momma!" He slips me a grin, this man who knows me so well. Out we go, kids bounding like Tigger to our spacious backyard. James lights teeky torches, one, two, three.

And we play till dark.

Throwing frisbee is a favorite. Joshua's getting the hang of throwing it accurately. Excited by Dad's gentle teaching & then to actually see improvement in his skills. After throwing a little with the guys I spy a lone stragler in need of some love so I growl like a lion and act my best to be on the prowl for my littlest man cub. He brightens and runs fast as little feet will carry him.
We end our chase rolling in the grass our bodies holding tight, his dimple inches away. Abby scampers to join the frolicking and we giggle for what seems like hours. I am amazed at how long they can linger with ole' Mom doing my same ole same ole tricks. Or maybe they need to.

"Hold me up like that Momma!!" "Tickle me like you tickle Abby." "Zerbert me on my belly button too!" "Can I lay in your lap now?" And then the big boo-boo happens, Dad a little off aim nails Abby in the head. Oops! I cradle her & hold the ice. She likes the attention and I like focusing on just her. She is not a toddler anymore. I take note of how long she is growing, how golden her skin is.

After the tears the ice bag sits in the grass & the thot comes "do I teach em how to put ice down peoples backs?" The fun takes over & they are running around like mad, squealing with delight.
Me getting them, them getting me too! Then I coach Jed on how to get Daddy. We walk over to him throwing frisbee & Jed asks him to bend down to look at those mountains & he plays along. Jed struggles to get the ice out of his pocket & finally puts it in Daddy's shirt then falls backward with confident laughter that HE got Dad! Dad tackles and they wrestle in laughter.

Our night is over. The chores are still there. Yet, these memories are close as we rise to a new day. Our hearts woven in the throwing, the tickling, the running, the comforting, the ice fights.
Thank you Jesus for the joy of play.

Being in Nature

2009-08-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

There is nothing quite like a day by the creek, fully surrounded by trees to clear my head and bond me to my children. I still enjoy digging in the sand, looking at rocks, having splash fights and ooohhing and awwwing over little critters. God set my heart free to be silly & childlike when He showed me how totally accepted I was by him...not because of anything I have done to 'be a good person' but all because of Jesus paying the price for my yucky positive good looking flesh- my sin, on the cross. I am not always in play mode of course becasue of the one million and three things that have to be done to run a household well so getting out in nature creates natural space for my own heart to sing and be refreshed but also to play beside my budding little saplings.

There is something so cool about being able to be playful with my children I wish I could create a day where Mom's don a hat & t-shirt and come to the creek with the assignment to sit, be present & play with their kids. NO cell phone, newspaper, book. I wonder if women would be interested, would want to come and be with their kids. I wonder if women would cancel something else in order to come. I wonder if the lack of tangile productivity or income would keep women at bay.

Our world moves so fast. Commercials, video games, billboards, blogs, email, answering machines all becon our time, emotional energy & attention. Are we forgetting how to BE in the midst of such technology? Are we forgetting how to s-l-o-w down and focus on one thing & actually enjoy that moment, that person?

Father, would you raise up a generation of women who love their children, who love being Mommy, singing and playing, working and resting alongside their little people who are only little for a short while. Would you remind us of the awesome truths of being beloved daughters of yours- loved, accepted and forgiven so that we can cease striving to measure up to the cultures standards for women, or our friends noble accomplishments in her company and just get on with the beyond noble task of loving and training and raising up children who know & love you. Give us hearts that exault in the joy of this season of life & joyfully recieve the children you have entrusted in our care. Quiet our complaining. Release us to love & serve in this world filled with thorns & thistles. You are so good. You are so near to us.

A Special Visit

2009-08-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for a dear old friends visit & the lingering touches she added to our home last weekend. Kay has known James longer than I have. She is a woman of wisdom & beauty & an incredible photographer. She is easy to be with, loves to laugh & is the biggest servant I've ever known. She spent time with me helping me think outloud about the systems in my home- mainly my office space. We cleared out clutter & made the space more usable. We dined at my favorite restaurant, shared a salad & enjoyed some wine. We shopped & went to Target.

What fun we all had with her in our home to play with, stay up late chatting with, taking her to our favorite spots, drinking wine with & going out on a girls coffee date & walk to a beautiful herb garden. Thanks Kay for making the trip to nurture relationships with us. Your special to all us Walters!

The habit of daily work

2009-08-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

Running a home is a lot of work. Choosing to work at home is not sissy work. Life in general consist of work. I do the majority of the behind the scenes work around here considering my four kids are under 8 but I am learning lately that they are capable of doing more & even want me to entrust them with more responsibility. I am choosing to 'let them in' a little encouragement from a wise friend and let them try their hands at new task I all too often do to get the job done quicker or to make sure it is done 'just right.' This here is my 7 and 4 year old after I let my 7 year old hold the long bread knife & cut our whole wheat bread- yes the slices are a little off but SO WHAT - he did it & he seemed to glory in me letting him use a super sharp knife & then he passed the joy of being big & helpful off to his 4 year old brother & said "hey, you wana slide the pan into the oven buddy? It's really hot so I'll stand beside you & open the oven."

Today after naps we made a yummy harvest pear crisp & I let Joshua peel & slice the pear. He is gaining confidence. Lately, my 3 year old is the PJ getter outer. She gathers everyones- the kids PJ's & lays them on our bed before supper. There are so many opportunities for children to learn new skills, be helpful, serve and grow in confidence during the day at home. I am so thankful today to have my children by my side to share the work load of life, to teach & train.

Today we also made oatmeal/ choc. chip cookies- a break between school subjects!- and this afternoon took some of them and a few zinnas from our garden to our elderly neighbor. A random idea that came to me as we were baking- why put it off or keep thinking our family will serve together when they get older! I want to see the opportunities before my nose today & walk in all that God has for me. May our work be hearty before God and may we have wise eyes to see when to teach skills and pass on new responsibilities to our children.

Our School Room

2009-08-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

Fall on us in this place O God

As we daily sit at this table

language lessons

math u see

art

copywork

kumon workbooks

mom reading story of the world vol 2

synapses firing

little brains

feasting

Infuse us O God with wonder over your good earth

as we delve into our study of animals

find real names, explore habitats & species you have made

Knit our hearts in the evening as we gather again at this table

with Dad

to linger

over hearty suppers

over what we saw & heard & felt that day

teach us to listen to others, be slow to speak & truely hear each other

Quicken our minds as we memorize your Word

for the week written on this wipey board

teach us your ways, whisper to us & remind us of your Words

that we have together hidden in our hearts...

...forgive as you have been forgiven

...let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths

...Give thanks unto the Lord

...for all have sinned

...do not fear, for I have redeemed you

Bless our daily music lessons

May joy be unearthed through the notes flowing through our home

even tho they are often squeaky

just as our relationships grow squeaky

help us to bear with one another on off key days

Give me grace to rise early & sit with you for a while

listen to music, renue my mind on Truth

Woo my heart to yours

for this is where the strength & love & wisdom comes

Teach me deligence as I imperfectly try to organize

give laughter & patience to this frail ADD Mama of four

cause 'if you don't work your systems...your systems won't work'

and in a home where stuff has babies

frustration brews!

May these 3 bug catchers exude with criters this school year

And may these markers & pencils express praise to you as out of the

overflow of their hearts and minds they will create

This, the heart of our school room, the heart of our children's education be curious, be peaceful, be exciting as we explore the adventures of Ping in Japan, Lentil in Ohio and Louis on the Red Rock Lakes and Sal as he picks blueberries with his Mama. Silence the temptation to 'fix, straighten, do just "one more thing" before settling down to

read, read, read

with Your precious children you have entrusted to me for just a short while.

Embrace us Father

as we walk the road less traveled

down this path you have called us

Center us in your love

as our eyes pass over this painting

while sitting on our couch

as we come and go

romp and play

May we be aware of your presence

daily

Remind us

our days are like grass

may each strand make manifest your kingdom

your glory

your power

your joy

your love

your splendor

as we study and learn and expore numbers and geography and science and art and literature and learn to love one another as you have loved us.

Bless this home O Lord I pray.

My budding musician

2009-08-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

As part of Joshua's first grade experience we wanted to give him music lessons. We tossed around the idea of several instruments, tried a few guitar lessons without success, realized we weren't ready to invest in a paino in our home yet, so we investigated violin. We found a super teacher, Mrs. Zerby who teaches in her home and only takes 7 students at a time. She has a wonderful presence with children & is an outstanding violionist herself. Joshua has shown us musical interest since he was a wee little tot & thanks to Mama Jo's help we are thrilled to provide this opportunity for him. I wasn't sure how it would pan out at first because it requires a lot of me- I go to practice with him each Wed. & sit & listen in so that I will know how to help him practice & I'm also the one to make sure we practice during the week. Well, aside for a few tears when I tried to cram in a practice before bed because of missing a few days- the experience has been overall great. I am thankful for a sweet home schooled teenager who comes over to sit in my home while my 3 &4 year olds nap so I can go have this one on one time with my oldest whom I've realized lately that I all too often require too much maturity of. I enjoy riding in the car goofing off with him & jamming to some of his favorite music & letting him chatter away about things that are on his heart. He is a pretty cool fella & I want to be a Momma who continues to get to know him & lets him grow into his own personality.

This week he is playing 'This is My Father's World' and after a few days of practice it sounds beautiful! I'm proud of his 'stick-to-itive-ness' to hang in there when he wasn't sounding good and wasn't playing 'real' songs. Truly, there is so much for a child that goes into the formation of their hearts & lives through the experience of playing a musical instrument. Although I do not see him playing this particular instrument forever, I hope it sets him on a path of having the tools- reading music ect. to be able to play other instruments & enjoy music his whole life...just like his talented Mama Jo.

Easy Lentil Burgers

2009-08-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

Recently, our crew has been eating lots of these lentil burgers. I double the recipe and then freeze them in batches for two other dinners! Whew hooo! Gotta love it when you make a mess & triple the use of your time and energy to healthly feed your fam! 2 cups dry brown lentils cooked until tender & drained

3/4 cup bread crumbs

1 cup finely diced onion

2 Tbsp. flour

2 Tbsp. soy sauce or 2 veggie bouillon cubes

tomato juice (to hold together)

1/2 tsp salt

calls for 3 tsp. parsley and 1 tsp. dill weed but I haven't used them & they still are yummy!

Mash the lentils after cooking & draining. Mix them with all other ingredients using just enough tomato juice to hold the mixture together & shape into patties. Add extra flour if needed. Heat an oiled pan or griddle & cook about 10 mins or so on each side. Wa la!

They are good all fixed up on a bun with lettuce, tomato, red onion & such or just by itself with some ketchup. Here's to some good fiber & good use of lentils!

Catching Frogs

2009-08-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

This morning after Libby nursed at 10 we headed down the street to explore our kind neighbor Maggie's pond. We have caught tadpoles & tried unsuccessfully to keep them as pets- we're working on making home grown habitats- but mostly my critter loving guys have been bummed at their attempt to catch & keep a pet. Several times while waiting for our tadpoles to turn to frogs- we did get to see them start to grow legs which was super cool- they started smelling or one time Abby's curiosity got to her & she reached up on the counter & accidently spilled their whole tupperware onto the floor- yes, sand, rocks & all. oops! So, usually Dad & I have decided to take the tadpoles & put them back in the pond with many disgruntled little people around us. We kept saying, "Trust us- if we put them back we will get to go to the pond in a few weeks or months and catch them as FROGS." It was hard because it seemed so far away for them but I applaud them because they chose to obey us & walk back down there & dump their little tadpoles back into the pond.

Well TODAY it happened!!! We walked to the pond & within minutes Joshua & Jed's feet were sopping with mud & they had both caught a frog! What a joy to sit on the bank & feel the cool breeze & get excited with my fella's over slimy frogs. I am blessed. Doing science in the field is hands down FUN! Exporing God's creation & learning to take care of our earth & the critters & animals God has made is part of my children's education.

On our walk back up the hill (Abby pushed her baby in her stroller this time- right beside Mom, "just like Momma" mind you) the boys and I decided to let Mondays be 'swamp day' this fall. Since our full load of school is gradually being added we won't get to do this as much as we have this summer but it was wonderful to say "YES, let's do it!" to this request from my budding little explorers/biologist/forest ranger men in the making.

This is my littlest darling who fell asleep during the fun- got swaddled & laid in the stroller. She is 10 weeks & such a trooper- along for the ride in the Walters greenhouse!

Our Colon...

2009-07-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

I met with my nutritionalist- Maggie- a 7o something year old woman full of beauty & peace & wisdom last week. This is a big year for me as I seek to keep myself healthy & strong so to nourish Liberty & myself well and also care for a 7, 4 & 3 year old. What I choose to eat plays a role in my overall mental emotional everything health. I want to be healthy. I want to be vibrant. I want to cope well with life's stresses. Maggie gave me a book called The Maker's Diet by Jordan Rubin, N.M.D & Ph.D. I am learning & being encouraged in the things I already know. Jordan had Chron's disease & suffered for 2 years as a 19 & 20 year old. This book tells his amazing story to full health- not by medicine or herbs but through feeding his body LIVE foods.

Here are some words from the chapter about the importance of daily going #2 that struck me...

Two keys to optimal health

1. Optimize the nutrition entering your body.
2. Reduce the toxins in your body.

Virtually every disease can be relatied to those two guidelines in some way-and it all starts in the small and large intestines.

High speed, high -volume lifestyles and toxic eating habits deprive us of the enzymes we need so desperately. Even worse --they deteriorate the organs that produce many of the body's most crucial enzymes. This progressive, overall depletion of enzymes leads to a no-win situation in which we can neither digest the food we eat nor synthesize the materials needed for cell repair and maintenance.

A New Baby GIRL!!!

2009-06-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

Liberty Josephine Walters

Libery arrived on May 20th. She is doing so well- weighing 9 lbs. now. The big kids are acting like she has always been one of the crew. Labor was tramatic for me as she was a face presentation baby. Needless to say, we are so thankful for a healthy baby & mama & a great dula! Abby tells everyone we see or who comes in our home, "I have a sister. She's kinda tiny. This girl is all aglow about 'our baby.' Here are some recent shots of life in our home...

Sisters! What fun!

Our friends the Comoux's came over & grilled out for us & we sang happy birthday to Liberty about a week after she was born. Ava is the blonde little girl- Abby's best friend. Ian, Declan & Gage are her big brothers & they are good buds with Joshua and Jed.

I wish I was this chill with my firstborn. Libby girl sleeps mostly with me & gets patted to sleep. A lot of times I nap along with her on my chest. These days pass all too quickly. Oh, the sacredness of Motherhood. I've thot alot lately how the Mother/Child bond seems to be the foundational bond in a childs/persons life which effects all other bonding/relationships.

James, Joshua & Jed had to add a super onto our hive (another floor to their house) because the queen is laying soooo many eggs. This is great news! Our first year of beekeeping continues to be a success. We have all learned so much thru this 1st grade project of Joshua's.

As a kind older lady from our church folded clothes for me on the first day my man went back to work, I read Harry the Dirty Dog to the kids. My oh my do I wish I could personally thank Charlotte Mason for all she has taught me! I am being so blessed now because of the railroad tracks I laid of certain routines and habits early in my kids lives. Story, Dance & Room Time live on in the Walters home! The month before the baby was born we read thru the Complete Tales of Beatrix Potter & I can actually say we (me included) all enjoyed it- my 7,4 & 2 year old.

Liberty's first bath. Ok...so I'm open to your vote- we are calling her Liberty quite a bit here lately- but also Libby at times. Which one do you think?

Proud big brother! Her first morning home from the hospital he was beside her bassinet at 7am rubbing her back. Yes, he has gel now & loves to spike his hair! Makes me think of Jones, Kristen!

This is my bed every day at naps. Makes me tear up to look at it. Libby nurses & sleeps, Jed brings me a lovie to sleep with & he & I tell stories & giggle. Then we all fall asleep. When I wake I tiptoe out & draw a bath & make my vanilla chai. ;) And yes, I am reading Anne of Green Gables & it has been so refreshing to enter the world of Anne & Prince Edward Island!

Thank you to all who prayed & cheered us on during this pregnancy & delivery!!!! We are so thankful. My heart is full & content. My family loved on us so well when Libby arrived & we were stocked with yummy food & celebrated with so well. Families at church & MOPS friends are still bringing meals. We are blessed. Hope we've brought a smile to your face today & that you've gotten a bit of our bug to slooooow down life in your home & be fully present in the moment even tho you may not have a newborn.

It's all gifts,

Amanda

9 Month Prego Pictures

2009-05-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

These days are priceless.

The due date is only a few days away- but really anyday this little Walters person could grace our presence. We are full of humbled, excited hearts around here. The kids have a big bag of birth day goodies to decorate the house with all ready to tear into when James and I head to the hospital....ballons, streamers, poster board, a cake mix, candles ect. Abby came to me yesterday about 5 times with her shoes - "Is it time to go to the hospital?"

Thank you sweet friends for celebrating - both near and far (WA)- with our family & touching base with us. We are so blessed & are eager to share our news when this baby arrives.

I love the above pic because Williams box is behind me- with his little lovie & pictures of his birth day. He is near our hearts these days as we appreciate the gift of a full term healthy pregnancy & say 'thank you Jesus almost every day' even on the sleepless, heartburn uncomfy days.

Truly, it's all gifts were livin' with.

visit holyexperience.blogspot

2009-03-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

I just read a beautiful article on a blog that often nourishes me...the art, the music,
the crafting of words by Ann on holyexperience.blogspot.com is breathtaking.

On Fri. March 27th she wrote about homeschooling- why they do it- which she hasn't
really ever written about hsing before. My own heart concered with the majority of what
she had to say. I just wish I could say it that elegantly & gracefully. If you are one who wonders about why a family would make this crazy choice or are wondering yourself' why am I doing this again - you are sure to be blessed & enlightened by this post.

Give holyexperience.blogspot.com a visit.

Shalom!

Fantasy Play in Childhood

2009-03-18T17:56:00.001-07:00

I just finished a true nugget of a read & wanted to share. Last year, I read The Hurried Child -which explores what happens when we push children to achieve too much too soon- and The Power of Play- a supurb, positive book about how spontaneous, imaginative play leads to healthy children. Both books are by Dr. David Elkind and I do recommend putting them on your list of books to read or in my case scan at night before you fall asleep. As a once education major in college these issues & how we americans are raising our children stirs me up.

I ran into this book at our library proped ontop of the shelves & it lept into my hands. I devoured it in 2 days. Easy to read, funny, inspiring & freed me to keep on going with the flow & lightening up with expectations of what my children are 'suppost' to be doing. It also gave me more of the verbage to use in storytelling with my kids. Paley encourages a story table in child care centers (or homes) where kids are free to come when they want & get to tell a story which she writes down. Then she invites other kids to join in choosing parts & acting out the story. Not elaborate or rocket science, not tied up with a neat bow, but a struggle for Paley to get childcare workers to let kids express themselves this way & to be Okay with their ideas & intense emotions ect.

Here is the write up on the back of the book-

In A Child's Work, innovative and widely respected educator Vivian Gussin Paley offers a manifesto against the decline of children's creative time, making the case for the critical role of fantasy play in the psychological, intellectual, and social development of young children. Paley speaks from firsthand experience about the limitless growth of young children who are allowed the time for fantasy play, as she enters classrooms across the globe to explore the stunningly original language of these children in their role-playing and storytelling. Proof that play is the work of children, this compelling and enchanting book will inspire and instruct teachers and parents, as well as point to a fundamental misdirection in today's educational programs and strategies.

Sleepin' in the BIG kids room!

2009-02-24T20:03:00.000-08:00

The time of transitions is upon us & there is no stoppin' em!

Last week I put the highchair in the garage & moved Abby to a booster seat.

Tonight she is sleeping in a big girl bed- yes, all three kids in one room! We shall see...

I get in such a funk around these times- hating to give up the ease of the routine that has been working, I guess.

We set up a single bed beside the boys bunk beds when we moved in months ago. We've been talking it up with Abby for a while now & tonight when James was putting them to bed she crawled right in & snuggled up & wa'la!

She was grinning from ear to ear about being a 'BIG KID'.

My, my, my childhood slips by so fast.

The Ministry of Good Food

2009-02-10T10:34:00.000-08:00

Maybey its because I'm 32 weeks

pregnant but food is on my brain

quite often lately.

Being a guest in others homes is always such a treat for me. I enjoy seeing how others 'do life' together with the ones they love.

A few such homes have impacted my life in tremendous ways. From watching others- family & friends- put beautiful meals or snacks on tables, put white table cloths on the table, set a table with fine china, cook up healthy meals I have learned & grown in this art of food making.

Yes, I am human and I too tire sometimes of washing dishes & preping food. It is such a gift to my heart to sit in a good restaurant every now and again where others prep the food & serve & then take the dishes away to wash!

Yet, as I have learned to cook in my adult years it has become such a part of me- an extension of me and a fun outlet of messy creativity. I enjoy cooking & mostly the baking!

To stir up your senses I'm posting a few of our staples around here.

These oatmeal, chocloate chip cookies from my More with Less cookbook are fabulous! We add walnuts & peanut butter too!

This Avacado Salsa is a hit around here too! Has lime juice in it & makes a super afternoon snack for the days after our mexican dinner meal.

Of course our homemade pizzas 'rock the house' as Joshua says. They should after years & years of making them! And here is a great easy meal- sweet potatoes & apples!

Lately, I have seen what a gift my attitude toward food & food making is to my husband and children. They are so happy with a happy Mama getting messey & letting them lick & try their little hands at baking too. Yes, I do get frustrated - but more & more I don't- my uptightness about 'just how it has to be or look' slowly fades as I swim in Jesus sea of love & acceptance toward me. I've also started having a Mama's helper in the kitchen- rotating the kids- espically for dinner time- so I just have one on the counter & can actually get a meal made by a certain time.

Just today as Joshua was practicing his violin- a song about choclate pudding- he asked if we could have some after lunch. "Sure!" I said- "If you'll make it." And he did the whole thing from getting out needed bowls & mixer ect., reading directions & following. And I said nothing about his choice to mix it in the bowl sitting on the floor cause the counter was too crowded with dirty bfast dishes! It was a treasure of a 15 minutes to watch his joy as I set him free to create & make a mess in my kitchen. Then to see him excitedly serve us was a real treasure!

Oh, Mama's that we would s-l-o-w down and actually let ourselves enjoy some of the necessary tasks in our day & not be lulled away by some more glamorous work or project we could be doing. Lately, I am finding humor & joy in all our messes & "seeing" so much with spiritual eyes the ministry I am daily engaged in. There is no other work in this season of life that I would rather be doing. So, from my home to yours, here's to happy meal making!

Doorways into Thanks

2009-02-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

Discouragement & doubt has clouded my joy & my perception of life lately.

Waves of anxiety wash over me when I open my eyes and the giants called lies & doubt & fear

pound on my door. What will I do with these lies? Cave in and give up. Yep, I've

done a little of that. Or stand, be brave & fight...reach out to a friend, put on

a fun movie, read Scripture & set my mind on truth, go workout, make some

yummy tea, plan a fun date with my hunka husband.

This weekend Jesus whispered many times the invitation to walk with him.

I blew it off & stayed stuck in my 'to do's the first few times but his voice seemed to grow

firmer and I was getting more grouchy & irritated. Finally, I got fumin' mad in a good sense- like Arwen I turned around on that horse & decided to make a stand. On Sunday morning after wallowing in the bed for30 mins. too long & hopped up & said, "Let's GO, just go for a walk, who wantsto go, here we go." And I threw on my sweats & out the door I went with 3 little

people close behind all with groggy hair & breath. Gone are the days when I

think I need to wait for complete silence or complete aloneness to talk to my

Papa. My quiet times are way outside the box these days & I sense Fathers

delight in my letting go & his joyful laughter over my suprise at the ways I am

hearing him & experiencing him lately- "outside that box."

Once outside and down the hill a little ways enveloped by naked trees on both

sides of our two lane country road, I heard his wispers of love & affirmation

of me & my sorrow softened & spilled out through some tears. Thank you

Papa, thank you" came out of my heart numerous times on our 30 minute

walk by the pond and between the huge cow pastures with the dew of morning

lingering over the grass in between my childrens chatter & questions.

Praying lately has been more about me being quiet inside amidst the noise & busyness

of my life. It's been about creating space within to hear Fathers voice.

This poem by Mary Oliver has been grace to my fragmented prayer life lately

and nudged me to keep fighting by getting outside & being present to God-

watching for him, waiting for him, inviting that voice of love to speak into my soul.

Today after a doctor apt. instead of being dutiful & "inside the box" by going home to stick to daily routines &

do school as usual in the morning, I stopped by a friends house & invited them on one of our favorite short

hikes. There, deep in the forest I saw joy in my children's playfulness & love of their good buddy. I relaxed with a safe friend & let the cool breezes lift my countence.

I let my little girl be needy & want to be held & covered in her blankie & just

as she exhaled on my shoulder many times as we hiked, so I seemed to nestle & rest

on Father's shoulder.

Praying

It doesn't have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try

to make them elaborate, this isn't

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

Mary Oliver- Thirst

Sunflower's Purple Cast

2009-02-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

Climbing out of her crib holding her baby, 2 blankies & her water (think she was 1/2 asleep & frightened about something) my Sunflower recently fractured her arm.

2 little bones are fractured & big arm bone is actually bent. If that bone has not straightened out more by Monday morning then she will have to have the bone re-set (which means broken by the Dr.). Please pray with us for healing & straightening of this bone. I cringe to think of that experience & my little girl in such pain.

We spent a whole day in Doctors offices & waiting rooms & ER radiology. The kids had lots of opportunities for socialization with all different kinds of folks. I was proud of the way they followed my voice & quietly entertained themselves here & there. We did have a squabble over sitting on the Doctors fun twirly chair
but other than that the outing went well.

Sunflower was a ray of joy to the doctor & nurse when they put the cast on & she looked up and said "Thank you for helping my arm feel bedder."

The nurse's Father resides at the Cedar Mtn. House- my husbands living assisted facility he manages- and she told him the next day she has never had a 2 year old actually sit still & be so pleasant while getting a cast on. What a trooper!

Tea Time!

2009-02-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a Motherhood conference in Charlotte where for 2 days I sat under some awesome & refreshing & biblical views concerning the value & role of Motherhood. Sally Clarkson has been a mentor through books to me for 5 years now & it was a treat to hear from her personally. Given that one of my best buds from WA, Karin, flew in to be with me & go to the conference AND I had the delightful priveledge of being suprised that another best bud from Durham, Anna, got to come with her friend, Lisa....there was no way the weekend could not be packed full of joy & encouragement which my heart sorely needed.

One thing that stuck with me....
lingering over a hot drink with my children...

One idea that continued to rest upon my heart was that of having tea time which although I have done now & then with my kids I have never had tea time with the INTENTION of not being INTENTIONAL....you get my drift?!!! Not that I'm over stressed out & always pouring in facts & info to my kids but I am super mindful of how we spend our days & time & I am often in 'teacher' or 'discipler' mode - I realized this after I asked my friend Anna to tell me a little about how she does tea time. It seams I am in the throws of learning more & more just how to "be" with my kid-o's & chill out & enjoy them being 7 & 4 & 2. Tea time is helping me exhale, laugh with them, listen to them & creating stronger bonds between us.

So, this is us on the Monday after the conference after Jed & Abby woke from naps & before Cyber Chase that comes on at 4- sipping tea on my Grandmother Joneses china.

I put 2 tea bags (I use Honey Bush by Numi-) in a pot of water & seap a few minutes. Honey bush is a recent tea I discovered & love because I don't have to add any milk or sweetner.

Then, we sit. All of us. Including me!!! And I don't get up to tend to this or that. I just sit & be present & ask them a question like- What's been the best part of your day? or What would you like to do with Daddy tonight?- and then I just listen & let them gab about this or that. Now that we've been doing it consistently for a while- sometimes I do hot choclate & sometimes I do make a yummy treat but not always- they are growing to just come to the table in the afternoon & they say "Is it time for tea Mamma?"

I am reminded that my kids created in the image of God are relational at their core. Like Charlotte Mason says "children are born persons." Oh how I don't want to get so excited about filling their souls with great ideas & facts & bible verses that I look back & wish I just SAT THE HECK DOWN more often & enjoyed them as little people.

Thanks blogging friends...

2009-02-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

Sitting in a coffee shop about to close after a Human Relations City Council meeting,
the vacume buzzing & bright lights on I don't have time to post pictures of my two
year olds purple cast on her arm, James with his grin over his b-day shrimp n grits
meal, or my crew at our table with china cups enjoying tea time. but my heart is full cause
I've scanned some writing of some precious friends & I don't feel so alone in the world in my vision of being an anchor at home & fully present & available to my kid's & man.

Mainly I want to say a big ole "THANKS" for being such mac daddy, big hearted, dedicated, in the trenches, not looking out for your own interest, creative, willing to try new things kind of women to my friends who have ventured into this blogging world & you know who you are :).
I love you gals & I am blessed to get to call you friends.

Tho I don't get to write & share my heart or Walters happenings as much as I want due to our not having internet at home- I want you to know I piggy back on your joy, your love for your family, your honest accounts of the struggle to stay the course in home life....and I am thankful for you tonight.

In this season of my life where I don't have a few creative, grace filled, hot mama's like you guys around me (at least not yet...i;m prayin') God has nudged my frail heart to hold on many a time through a word or a song or a picture I have gleaned from your blog & I have been strengthened to keep encouraging myself in the Lord & to let go of the worlds pressures & demands & to just keep loving & seeing the beauty & sacredness of daily life in my own country home in my little town in the mountains.

May the peace of Jesus flood your home this evening my dear sisters & may your roots keep delving deep deep into the unending, unmeasureable love of God that is for you & with you always whether you feel it or not. You are special & your life MATTERS. bookooos.

with hope & joy amidst the broken hard realities of life,
arwen
a fighting warrior princess clothed in the simplest of clothes but wearing the cool dangly earings allison gave me...
a woman who wants to fight & fight well for the hearts of those God has placed in my path...

My busy 4 year old boy

2009-01-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

Lately, my middle child is budding in his building, writing & interest in our home. It is wonderful to watch his gifts & personality develop.

Room Time for my middle child has been filled with cool k'nex creations.

He's been building lots of houses lately.

He likes broccoli & ranch.

This is the book I use for science with my kids.

Right now we are studying reptiles.

He is an animal lover. For school this week he wanted to learn about turtles

so he drew one & we wrote a story about Tate the turtle together.

Another room time creation.

...for this one he couldn't wait to show me his work...

(I come get him when lunch is ready & I'm done with Math with the oldest & I spend some 1 on 1 time with him talking about his creations he has made & build with him some)

...he ran down the hall way saying "Mama, mama come see

my WHOOGE tower!"

At first I was frustrated to be inturupted but then I put down the math & went to

join in this proud moment for my 4 year old...then I got out the camera & his

little heart was so full & happy. So was mine.

Let's LET our Kids be kids!

2009-01-16T10:54:00.002-08:00

A friend sent me this today & it blessed me. This past year I read The Hurried Child & The Power of Play which helped me to stay the course of the simple daily routine life I am providing for my kids that is focused on lots of books & nature. It has been a struggle, now that Joshua is in 1st grade to not look at what others are doing & what is available and to start thinking of all I could or should add to his day. It's also a struggle to mute out others opinions of how my kids are or aren't comparing with other kids & to just let them be who they are, love & tickle & play around with them & even be foolish & silly & crazy with them & keep getting to know their little personalities. After all I'm a grown up...I shouldn't have time for that right?!

So, thanks Karin for passing this article from Sonlight on & here it is for any Mama who is seeking to go against the grain a little of our fast paced, activity driven culture. May we give our kid-o's the space & freedom to have a childhood.

THE 7-YEAR-OLD BOY

This little guy is on every homeschool message board I read. He is in every homeschool support group I've ever known.

He's almost always the oldest child in his family. As a firstborn child, he is often very smart and slightly serious of disposition. His parents, his Sunday school teacher, and his pediatrician have all agreed that he is "gifted" and "exceptional."

For a little boy with so many positive qualities, it is sad that he can't seem to do anything right. Everyone who looks at him sees the word "capability" branded across his childish forehead. They think he should always be able to do more. They think he always needs more. They think they have an obligation to provide him with more.

More schoolbooks. More activities. More friends. More rigor. More routine. More planning of each of his hours so that all the boxes of academia and socialization are checked. More responsibility. More heavy expectations.

Is it possible that the homeschool community is failing the firstborn seven year old boy? I think we may be. After all, we teach Mama ways to make him pay attention to his math lessons. We encourage her to buy ever more expensive curriculum that will make her feel that he or she have failed if it is too soon to use it. We stay quiet when she heaps life on him, even when we're farther down the road and know better.

If I could say one thing to a new homeschooling Mama it would be this:

"Your seven year old boy is a little child. He is very little. He is an amazing genius and he will make this world a better place, but for now he is a little child. He doesn't need all the things you think he needs. He needs a safe and loving home and proper food, clothing, and shelter. He needs friends and acquaintances who cross all barriers of age, race, and class. He needs hours and hours in God's beautiful world outdoors. He needs stories and a few toys and tools.

Stop planning. Stop worrying. Stop scheduling every second of his little life in order to get the most out of him right now. You are going backwards. His life will be richer and fuller if you allow him to bloom and ripen in a natural and wholesome way. You will never, ever have these childhood days with him again. Do not fill them up with all your imagined requirements. You will so regret that you didn't just live with him and love him and let your life rub off on him gently. You will blink and he will be twelve and you will wonder what your hurry was. You will blink again and he'll be grown. You'll look at a photo of him at seven years old and see for the first time that he was a little, little child."

I know whereof I speak. I went against my own desires to rush my exceptional child. I wanted to rush him! He could do everything. He was a genius. He was so sober-minded and capable, practically from birth. But I didn't. I taught him to read when he was three, I admit, but I did not "school" him until much later. It seemed to me that he would do great things in his time, and I must not try to make him do great things before then. So I filled the house with good storybooks and held myself back.

When we did begin homeschooling, I kept studies to an hour a day until he was in third grade. That's ALL studies, including religion and life skills. I wanted to see this child run in the sunshine and laugh, laugh, laugh because THAT was the image I wanted to keep of him. Not tired, not toiling over books or being shuttled to schools and activities. No, I wanted to remember little Nathaniel in the sunshine, laughing. I thank God that I do have that image to carry with me forever.

Nathaniel is twelve now. By any definition he is rigorously homeschooled. We use the Well Trained Mind and Sonlight. He is working on Hebrew and Greek, high school level science and English, and he can play four instruments proficiently.

It was OK to wait and let him be little. He took off when he was 10 and the sky is his limit. Learning is still new. He swallows textbooks whole and begs for more. He reads heavy stuff for fun. He spends hours in museums and loves every minute.

He is not just a walking encyclopedia, a lovingly nurtured brain. He is a whole person. He makes friends easily and enjoys God's world. His body is strong and healthy. His music makes strangers laugh and cry for joy. He has the support and love of his extended family and his church. His future is bright and his prospects are endless.

It was RIGHT to deny myself the pleasure and self-satisfaction of teaching him too early. He had the foundation he needed to grow into an amazing young man. The foundation was love, acceptance, and daily family life. A foundation of academia and box-checking seems dusty and moldy to me in comparison. I am thankful that I have no regrets about the early education of Nathaniel James. --Weathertop Academy

To read more, or to post a response of your own, go to
https://www.sonlight-forums.com/showthread.php?t=191344.

Ultrasound Day!

2009-01-06T17:22:00.001-08:00

21 weeks & feeling good!

It finally came & boy am I glad. James met me at the Drs. Office with a big smile and a hug.

I am happy to say that everything looked healthy. I'm sure he says it to other patients but wow I just gloried in hearing my doctor say over and over, "This looks wonderful."
The best part was coming home to show the kids…they were each so sweet & inquisitive trying to figure out those little fuzzy black prints. I did get a little flustered when Abby asked to see
the baby in my belly & I lifted up my shirt & Jed pushed on my tummy saying "will it just pop?" & then Joshua said "Yeah, how does the baby get out, that would be pretty messy if your belly really popped!"

Shine

2008-12-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

Lingering over poetry awakens me, allures me deeper into an awareness of my own heart and calls me to live fully with expression & spontaniety & joy.

I share this because I plan on printing this blog off one day as a Walters scrapbook & I want
my kid's to know what jazzed their Mama.

The last 3 weeks have been super full for us- James & I have bought our first home - painted the whole thing bright happy & warm colors & moved in. Thanks a ton to friends & family for
help! We are snug now & happy campers on our 1 acre!!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOO! A fulfillment of a dream James & I have dreamed for several years has come to fulfillment & we are thrilled.

Today when we came home from church he had the boys go collect twigs in the forest to try out
our wood stove that is set back in our fire place- surrounded by beautiful stone hearth I will say.
They had a ball getting that fire going. Sorry Dad, gas logs just aren't gonna fly with all these
paul bunyons in my home! :)

Being in the woods lately I have exhaled & remembered that naked I came into this world & naked I'll depart- ok- well surely they will dress me in something in that casket but my spirit will already be dancing with Jesus. It's helped me to keep simplfying & also made me think of the huge gift others give to me simply by being awake & alive & joyful & present sometimes in my days. I'm encouraged to give this gift of 'shining' as Mary Oliver speaks of this Christmas season & not be so bogged down by a gift that shows all my love & appreciation of someone.

I share this because amist the fullness of my life lately with new baby & new home, the woods have alured me and do something for my heart words can't explain. As I read this poem in Mary Olivers collection called Thirst this week it resounded with me & captured so much of my experince in the woods.

Read on and may your day recieve a ray of sunshine from me.

Poetry by Mary Oliver

2008-12-14T13:30:00.000-08:00

When I Am Among the Trees
by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simle," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this , to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

A baby in my 'bellee'

2008-12-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, God has given us another arrow in my womb and we are beside ourselves with thankfulness and anticipation. My daughters loving attention to this child she cannot see is blowing me away. Last night after tucking her feeties in, singing & praying she asked to see the baby so I held up my shirt and showed her my 4 month prego belly. She grinned and said "Sleep tight all cozy in Mommee's bellee."

On a daily basis she asks to give the baby a kiss and rubbs her little hand over my belly gazing at my skin like she is seeing the miracle form. Through Abby's love of her little sister/brother I am bonding too. The sting of loosing William has been so fresh this pregnancy & along with the busyness of running a household with 3 little people I have held back from attaching.

Last week I had cramps in the middle of the night (it was also the week we moved into our new house- so super busy). I felt awful & the reality of a miscarriage loomed heavy. By 3pm we were in my Drs. office asking to see the nurse to hear a heartbeat. Physically & emotionally I was frail. The heartbeat appeared & we heard some movement & our hearts rested.

Thank you Jesus, for the recent nights of leaving my daughters room with watery eyes and a big grin as I begin to bond & embrace this 5th little warrior or warrior princess in my womb.

Great Grandma’s Suprise

2008-09-09T17:03:00.003-07:00

For great grandma Becky's 93^rd birthday we packed up the car & drove 5 hours to VA to surprise her!!!

We drove up to her home of 50 some years and she was outside sweeping the leaves off her driveway. My little gentleman in training walked up to her and said, "Grandma, I can do that for you, I know how to sweep." She was delighted. As Joshua swept, Jed and Abby ran around and played with a car in the driveway. She was happy & our hearts were full. We played a game of Hi Ho Cherry O and a round of Bingo inside. Mama Jo got us a room at the Holiday Inn which was a real treat & gave us our own space & of course brings back fond memories of our 2 week road trip last year & all of our hotel adventures!

On Saturday the family gathered at Aunt Mary's and Uncle H.A.'s house for a yummy birthday brunch & presents & cake. It was special for us to see our kid-o's being loved on and enjoyed by family. Abby sang a song or two- did a little "show" and Jed & Joshua romped around outside looking for butterflies with Uncle H.A.

Of course we visited a fun park in town we always visit & had some fun family play time. Joshua is such a friendly fellow & likes meeting new people. He invited this little boy to play tag & they had a ball espically when James started chasing them.

Pizza Crust

2008-09-09T17:03:00.001-07:00

Combine in a large bowl:

1 c. warm water

1 pkg. yeast (1 ½ Tbs.)

When dissolved, add:

1 T. sugar

1 ½ t. salt

2 T. vegetable oil

1 ¼ c. flour

Beat until smooth. Add:

2 c. additional flour, or enough to make stiff dough

Knead until elastic, about 5 minutes.

Place in a greased bowl and let rise until double, about 45 minutes.

Form 2 balls. Pat and stretch to fill 2 greased pizza pans. Let rise 10 minutes in warm oven.

Add sauce & toppings & bake at 450 for 20-25 minutes.

From More-with-Less A World Community Cookbook

Recipes and suggestions by Mennonites on how to eat better

And consume less of the world's limited food resources

For years, Friday nights at the Walters ranch has been dubbed our "pizza night." We have all come to know and like the familiarity of this routine. Every once in a while James will treat us & we will walk to Big Mike's- for pizza AND a video game (pac-man is my favorite)! But most of the time during naps on Friday's I am grinding some wheat and making this pizza crust, sauting some onions & mushrooms, listening to the hum of my Bosch kneading 4 or 6 pizza crust (depending on whether or not we have guest), and my favorite part…stretching out the crust & pressing it into all my different sized pans spread out around my kitchen.

I double the above recipe for our family of 5 and have even tripled or quadrupled it (once we were blessed to have a family of 7 over).

It feeds our family for lunches through the weekend which I like.

My 6 year old is becoming quite the chef these days- he patted out this crust by his self and sauted the onions for me (his first time working with the hot pan). I was proud of his listening skills & following my instructions. He was extra excited about pizza on this night- proud of his new skills!

SPLASH in puddles!!!

2008-08-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Oh the JOY of RAIN!!!!! We have bundled up & gone for walks in the rain the past two days & it is so FREEING. People look at me a little funny- I put my plastic tablecloth with tulips on it over top the jogger & I wear my raincoat & tevas & Joshua carries the umbrella & were off!

Don't let this rain keep you in- what kid doesn't like to SPLASH in puddles & get wet & be silly in the rain & then come inside & strip & put on fresh clothes & make hot choclate or tea? Or better yet, do you know any ADULTS that need to let loose and SPLASH a little?! I know I do.

A special visit...

2008-08-27T19:15:00.000-07:00

We invited Nana & Pop-pop up for an afternoon visit this week & it was special to have them in our space, doing daily life with us. Mom & I walked from my house to downtown with an umbrella & it was wonderful to go in & out of stores I've wanted to go in for some time now and to take a coffee break & enjoy an oatmeal cookie of course!

Back at home Joshua got to have some time just with Nana playing knights & castles- having battles & such after having time with Pop-pop while the little ones napped. His tank was SO full as we put him to bed that night! Each of my children's love tanks were full to the brim after
time spent with grandparents.

We ate couscous wraps and tomato & basil open faced sandwiches for dinner- with tomatoes we walked in the rain to our farmers market to get that morning ;)! Then we ended the summer with a special ice cream treat at Dolly's! YUM- YUM!

Joshua, Abby & Jed with Nana & Pop-pop

The joy of having a Pop-pop to sit on the floor and play legos & give you zerberts!!! Life doesn't get too much better than this as a child. It is a gift to this mothers heart to have others intentionally love my children. I am thankful.

I recieve

2008-08-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

A highschool friend & her girls came on a waterfall hike with me & my clan recently. I was blessed to see her loving self & the way her girls are following in her footsteps...I snaped this picture of them & wrote a little poem in response to it. Here's to you Lilly & Meadow in confidence of all you will become as you live with a Mama as loving as yours.

I recieve

I stand beneath the waterfall

tho not as close as my Mama and I follow

her example and hold my outstreatched arm

cupped plams

strained necks

bugged eyes

quiet hearts

eager to recieve

I choose

to take the posture

of a child with my Papa

heart

uninhibited by southern ediquette

truly desiring to be delighted in

to know

my Papa sees

my Papa loves

my Papa is present

I long

to lead with a coureagous heart

into the unknown

to dare to ask my Papa

to reveal himself to me in ways

that speak to my unique heart

I look

for him in my days

and

he is there

bold as the mountains

alive as the sunset

mysterious as the egg sac

quiet as the cardinal

free as my Jed's giggle

joyful as Lilly & Meadow

ready & eager to reveal

his love, his delight, his pleasure, his joy over me,

through things like

little girls & their Mamma giggly over a waterfall trickle

Our Magium Opius

2008-08-18T19:07:00.001-07:00

When Joshua ran inside with this saying "MOM! MOM! Spider eggs AND the dead Momma!" I admit I didn't have the typical "Wow" response cause all I could see was the scene in Charlotte's Web when all the spiders come running out and although I enjoy critters, I enjoy them OUT side not in. Once outside I was pretty hyped up because I've never seen a real live magium opus, have you? And, yes it is true that after working so hard & laying her eggs the Momma dies.

So for almost two weeks we have daily checked on our egg sac (on our front porch-up on a ledge). I'm not sure when she laid her egg sack and I don't know when they typically hatch but yesterday Jed told me he saw some baby spiders! TOOO FUN! Looks like a few baby ones died around the sack but we did see some crawling away.

Talk about nature journaling.

Talk about miracles…thank you Jesus for continuing to slow our lives and delve our family rhythms deeper into the concept of 'margin' so to marvel at your creation, giving you big kudos for things like egg sacks.

Shopping on Foot

2008-08-18T19:06:00.001-07:00

Saturday morning we set out on foot to run some errands. James had a meeting and was gone till nap time.

This is us as we returned.

Items we came home with:

About 30 children's books (in the Kelty on my back- I sweated real good)

5 shirts from the dry cleaners for James

Goat cheese

Large cantaloupe (in Joshua's bag)

6 ears of corn

Fresh blackberries (the kids munched on these on the way home)

Peaches (jed's favorite)

Lettuce

We ran into our neighbors on the way there as they were returning from the Farmers Market and chatted with them for a while. We ran into some friends from church with their children at the Farmers Market and enjoyed talking to them as well. The lady who has a goat farm nearby was a joy to talk with and told the children about a neat opportunity to meet her goats this fall.

We live on one car because of finances, but it has been such a rich experience I have grown to not merely accept but also enjoy this factor which simplifies our lives. We live in a town where we can walk to the post office, Ace Hardware, grocery store, movie theater (2 screne),library, park, bank, our music class, a coffee shop, an herb garden so I do not feel 'stuck' at all! Last week I daily walked the boys to VBS at a Methodist Church. I look forward to seeing neighbors out and about and hearing of their gardens and house building projects and such. I love these opportunities for my children to get to interact with so many different people. Our Thursdays of all hopping in the car and taking Daddy to work are a fun outing for us- driving 20 minutes on a 2 lane windy road up a mountain with beautiful views usually listening to Coldplay and drinking coffee together is a great way to begin our day…a rhythm in our week. As is packing a picnic dinner so that after we pick up Daddy from work we can go straight to the park for a picnic & some play time!

Summer's breezin' by...

2008-07-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight I decided to post some summer pictures as I seem to be in prepare for fall mode. How full our days have been lately. I treasure this the only summer I will have with my kids at the ages they are 6, 3 & 2.

Franklin Park. Truly, Father cares & provides for our every need. We swing & talk & run & play hide & seek & eat lunch but more than that we love on eachother & eachother's kids & it is sweet.

Abby on a hike with friends at the Ranger Station in the Pisgah Forest

Jed with his buddy Colt. They spent a whole morning jumping on the trampoline,
then playing in our little pool then running wild trying to catch japenese beetles.

Our church- Grace- is about 30 minutes away. I make p,b & j for the ride home. On this day James decided we would head into the woods to eat on a picnic table & run around before heading home for Sunday naps. My Mom bought the boys new outfits recently- they were so handsome this day.

Many summer nights we have sat around helping Abby dress her baby & playing make believe with animals & such.

Joshua went to Art Camp for a week this summer. He prayed for a friend & Father heard his little heart. Ford is one of 5 & a fun, kind boy. We had their family over for dinner this night & then walked to the Library for an outdoor storytelling & sing along. It was super fun & relaxing!

Mama Jo recently found this caterpillar for the kids....what fun! It is a great time consumer & has added lots of laughs & games to our summer.

Don't miss Abby with my high heel on!!! A crazy night of squeels & roars playing 'oH=johnny'.

Joshua was in a musical with Mama Jo this summer! He practiced at home- listening to the songs & reading the words. He was nervous but did so well following along with the other kid-o's. We were proud of his courage to try this.

What can I say?!* She is so ALIVE & FREE! As a two year old she has opinions!

Run to the fields, all ye people of the land...hopp, skip, hike, explore this marvelous earth!

Jed in the bouncy castle at the White Squirell Festival in downtown Brevard, a block from our home. Jed has become our festival man...he asks every week- "When's the next festival?"
Festivals are lively & great community builders & places for people to sell their artful expressions.

This trampoline, OH MY...what a stress reliever, a family bonder. The kids love it when I join the fun & growl like a bear & do all my old school cheerleading moves. But of course, Daddy is the best for double bouncing & crack the egg!

My First Bread Class

2008-07-21T18:11:00.001-07:00

Our homes are not merely to be places of lonely retreat, frozen foods or isolated entertainment. There is SO MUCH MORE to home life that I have been discovering & implementing in our own home over the last 9 years since the establishment of the Walters household. One way I have grown is in my own view of productivity in the home. Two years ago in Wenatchee I began a bread business called Daily Bread where I sold my Honey Whole Wheat Bread to friends. The income from my bread paid for a lot of our 2 week cross country road trip last year!

Last Saturday I held a bread class where we ground the Hard Winter Wheat and made 5 loaves of bread together. Each lady patted out a loaf, hand chopped the ends & pinched up to keep from air bubbles & placed the loaf in the pan to rise & then bake. While baking we watched a health video called The Miraclous Self Healing Body where 4 doctors talked about diet & disease. Then we ate a yummy lunch on fine china & discussed what we learned. Each lady went home with my favorite bread recipe I've been using for 9 years & a loaf of hot out of the oven bread.

It was a lot of work for me, but gratifying work & a joy to share something close to my heart with women who are truly interested. It was a lot of fun!

Strawberry Salad

3 oz sliced almonds

2tsp melted butter

1 tsp sugar

¾ c. green onions

1 can mandarin oranges, drained

12 fresh cut strawberries

To make almonds: pour butter over & toss with sugar, bake at 300 for 10 mins.

Lettuce of your choice

Dressing-

1/3 c. red wine vinegar

1/3 c. vegetable oil

1/3 c. sugar

1 tsp. minced garlic

Banana Nut Muffins

2 c. flour ( I do half unbleached white & half wheat)

¼ c. sugar

1 Tbs. baking powder

½ tsp salt

1 c. soymilk

1 egg (I use 1 Tbs. water + 1 Tbs. soyflour)

1/3 c. canola oil

4 mashed bananas

½ c. chopped walnuts or pecans

Preheat oven to 400. Grease a 12 cup muffin pan. Mix flour, sugar, baking powder & salt in a bowl. Mix egg & add milk, mashed banana, oil & nuts.

Pour wet into dry and mix just until moistened. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups. Bake for 12-15 mins.

….I usually triple this recipe & freeze in Tupperware. This is the Walters family standard Sunday morning breakfast. J

4th of July Kid's Parade

2008-07-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

Joshua decorated his bike all last week & we prepared for the 4th of July bike parade. He had the idea to be a 4th of July Spi Guy and was so pumped about his idea. He wanted to wear his black spiderman shoes, his black shorts & spiderman shirt & his cape. He even cut off some black soccer socks at the ankles to wear the leg part on his arms but they got tooo hot.

I was perplexed & tempted to say "No, were not gonna do that, this is a festive parade and red, white & blue would be better don't you think?"

But, I chose not to. Instead I held my tongue, asked questions & watched his little wheels turn & his heart bound.

I did get out some cardboard & want to make a sign on the front of his bike so everyone would know what he was dressed as- justify why my son was wearing black, but I didn't get around to it. I'm glad I didn't.

You know what - HE WON a trophy that says '1st place 4th of July Parade - Most Unique!!!!

He was beaming ear to ear when those judges handed him that trophy & a gift card to a bike shop & man, SO WAS MOMMA bear!

I don't know about you but man I find myself caring way too much about what others think about how my kids do this or that or act this way or that. I am learning to let go, to go with their ideas & to delight in their little selves, accepting & loving them freely. What a cool affirmation of this process for me as a mother to see my son shine & be rewarded for his uniquness & creativity. I am so proud of you Joshua Henry!

Truly, God is maturing me as I raise these little people & I am thankful for that.

Off the charted path

2008-07-06T11:20:00.001-07:00

Pushing my double jogger stroller on a cool mountain morning with Jed & Abby chattering over all the new buds of Day Lillies and Joshua walking briskly beside me, I felt the urge to be silly & free with my little ones so I took a left. Now this isn't just any normal ole left because the hill is steep and it takes one off the safe street with all the pretty old houses into the industrial area with more run down houses. But I threw caution to the wind & said in an expectant whisper, "Let's go for an adventure family, how about it?!" and took off down the sidewalk holding the stroller back from running off without me, feeling the wind in my hair and the burn in my thighs. My no fear Abby girl sat as far forward as her seat belt would let her, put her hands in the air and said, 'Go MOMMY GOOOOOO!!!' Jed, my cautious, Mr. steady sat back in his seat and turned his head to the side closing his eyes. Joshua, thrilled for the adventure opened his gate full throttle and said, "WooooooooHoooooooooo!" all the way down the hill till the street leveled off and bent over heaving with his hands on his knees and a super happy grin on his face.

Lately, I feel this, all at once…the invigorating new found life giving freedom of my 2 year old, the uncertain fearful one eye open wince of my 3 year old and the confident embrace of the adventure of my 6 year old. The ability of our human hearts to hold such contrasting emotions at one time is a wonderment to me.

I read a blurb in the newspaper about an open mic night at the arts center in town last week and my heart went pitter patter. I called the number & signed up. The evening was thrilling to me in a beautiful old church turned into an art center with pencil nature drawings on the wall and $800 pottery sitting around the room with about 25 people created in the image of God full of stories & sorrows & adventures waiting their turn to share. Published poets shared from their books, an older gentlemen shared a story of trying to fly off a barn as a youth, short stories of both real life & make believe all floated around the room.

At 30 I see this life is about waking up and then waking up some more- to Christ love poured forth on my behalf, to more of who I am, just how selfish & greedy I can be, to my daily need for forgivness & for Jesus, to my own uniqueness that I often gave away as a child who too often took on the form of pleasing others.

Today, Father, I vere off the charted path of performing for others acceptance & approval and free fall into You as I learn to walk by faith, following you as I open up my heart to you inviting you to mold & convict & teach & woo me toward living out of more of who you made me to be…truly, we are father & daughter. I choose to rest today in your grace- knowing that I do not measure up because of what I have or haven't done or how 'good' of a person I am but because of what you have done for me. I receive your extravagant gift of measuring up for me & I rest in your sea of grace. Amen

Summer Fun

2008-07-06T11:01:00.001-07:00

Here are a few random pictures of late. My wonderful husband discovered the trick of opening pictures on my blog with my new camera after many weeks of reading & playing with the computer. Here is just a bit of what we've been up to and what the kids are looking like these days…

Abby is my sunshine girl in the mornings- eager to help Momma & do what I am doing. She is a love of a girl!

Jed slurping up some watermelon at the White Squirrel Festival – this town is queen of closing off streets & putting on festivals!

Jed went on his first camping trip with the boys in May. Your so brave Jed & becoming quite the adventurer! They fished & hiked & roasted marshmellows & ate their boys camping trip food & told stories & came home dirtier & happier than when they left! We all need time in the woods, don't we!? Jamie says were all 5 going next! First he has to find a bigger tent, so mabey that will wait till Abby is 3.?!

Joshua caught the only fish on our trip with the Pisgah Center for Wildlife Education! Way to go buddy!

The instructors gutted the fish & told me how to stuff it with rosemary & bake in some foil. I was wide eyed, but I did it & my son ate the whole thing!

Mama Jo blessed us with a catapillar sprinkler for a little evening cool off. What fun!

Camp Mommy

2008-07-06T11:00:00.001-07:00

sorry for the misalignment of pictures & captions- i learned i can't do pic's at home on word then publish later...

Recently, my husband was out of town for a week. The day before he left I told the kids we were going to have 'Camp Mommy' for a week and began pumping them and myself up for a different kind of week. To be honest, I was nervous. James & I are two peas in a pod & don't do life apart too often & I don't think we ever have for a whole week. Anyhow, we survived & even thrived. Although I was emotionally & physically spent by the end of the week. I was reminded of the good plan of God of marriage & am in a super thankful mindset for the gifts & personality & presence my man brings to the table in our home.

An evening tea party with lots of our animal friends!

A breakfast treat- walk down to Bracken Mountain Bakery!!! Mommy managed all the drinks & muffins & scones-

It was quite the adventure with my two hands but a treasured little treat that was a boost in our day without Daddy.

A play date with our good friend Colt at his house added some laughter & a good friend hug for Mommy from Mrs. Erin!

And YES- we finally did it!!! We dug up our grass, took turns with our kid sized shovel (a Pop-pop gift) and planted our veggies

We planted broccoli & green peppers & strawberries & cantaloupe – the kids wanted to try the fruits so I went with it.

We also had lots of picnics in our yard with our usual- p,b & j and fruit

Bouncing around the house is a great way to get out some 'I miss tackling with my Daddy' energy!

And last but not least, our evenings were welcomed by sweet smelling children in clean pj's with teeth brushed curled up

On our couch for a movie.

Homeschool- The Walters Clan

2008-05-29T16:41:00.001-07:00

Books that have presented ideas which were foreign to me.

Books that have richly shaped my vision of what it is to raise children

As well as just what school at home really looks like.

Execellent resources for any parent.

Educating the WholeHearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson

Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen Andreola

For the Children's Sake- Foundations of education for home and school by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

'When You Rise Up;- tape series on Biblical Education by R.C. Sproul Jr.

Family Worship T.L. Johnson

Curriculum books that I use daily

Five In A Row by Jane Claire Lambert

Veritas Press Phonics Museum- Kindergarten

Math-U-See

Nursery Rhyme Songbook by Usborne

A large percentage of what my day looks like has been shaped from ideas I have gleaned from other women who have gone before me. My home life today is rich in love & connectedness based on the shaping influences of my own home life as a child as well as the numerous other homes I have been a guest. I have taken from these the best ideas which I have felt fit who James & I are and applied them in the making of my own home. I share this with you as a preface to my sharing what life has been like this past year doing 'official' kindergarten at home. I am not sharing for kudos. Rather, I am sharing because a friend asked me to but also in hopes that another pioneer homeschool Mom may be strengthened in her vision of what this thing called homeschool could look like. I share as a novice. I share as one who is daily learning, being humbled, who is in the thicket of child training, who often fails but as one who passionately pours her heart into raising the next generation of warriors & warrior princesses knowing that a wise woman builds her home and that I have the opportunity to strengthen communities, churches & thus society through my daily work in my home rather than working myself up the business womans ladder, finding value in how stressed I am & how much money I make.

In our home our children's education begins the day they emerge from my womb. We Walters view all of life as learning. We were posed with the question early on in our parenting days "What is the goal of education?" It's a question that I encourage all parents to seriously consider.

Okay, to be totally honest, although James & I had a vision for homeschooling our children & were almost totally sure we were on that path from our infant days with Joshua, I was nervous as the year his 6 year old birthday approached. As I was 3 months pregnant with my fourth child and seeing that when my first born would be starting kindergarten I was also going to have a 2 and a 1 year old I decided to put on my training wheels and try out a curriculium a year before Joshua would be in kindergarten. Yes, I tend to be a perfectionist. Call it cheating if you like, but it was the best & most freeing thing I could of done which greatly boosted my confidence as a 'teacher'. It was a sweet trial & error time for me. All I did was follow the curriculium manual & do a lesson a day in our normal learning time slot in our day. I didn't tell Joshua he was starting kindergarten & he didn't miss a beat.

From infancy all my children have been on flexible schedules. Somewhere in year 2 with my first born I added a 'learning time' into our morning routine. Everyday after room time we would sit on the couch and read books- observe things together, talk about colors, count the birds, talk about the way people feel (emotions) in the book. I worked my way through Before Five in a Row with Joshua for his preschool years & am still finding those same books at the library as I do this program with Jed & Abby. We read books in our home lots of other times as well, but this learning time was an intential time I had planned.

Five in a Row is SOOO rich! It helped me to learn how to recognize living books. It taught me how to engage books in broad & fun ways with children. For example, one of our lessons was to find Alto, Ohio on a map and talk about where we live in relation to where Lentil lived after reading the story Lentil by Robert McClosky. A geography lesson for 2-4 year olds!

So...Kindergarten.

It has been funner & sillier & wilder than I ever imagined. Yes, we did finish our Veritas Press phonics mesuem and I met our main goal for the year- Joshua is reading!

The exact materials one chooses aren't totally the point. That he enjoys daily life- he is in the habit of making his bed & getting dressed every morning & helping his little brother do the same...that he says "good mornin Abby girl, how was your sleeper?"...that he daily works around our house....that he is aware of others, that he prays for our neighbors, that he is learning to forgive others (including me), accept others, be considerate of others, be a servant & a life long learner whose life will make a difference in the world for God's glory is the point. There is so much nitty gritty stuff I could say about the dailyness of our life in school at home. I am a big fan of encouraging Mamas to fit the pieces of their puzzle together- what a glorious freedom we have!!!

One of the neatest things to my heart is to see him engage 'school' stuff outside of our 'school time'. He writes stories or letters to his friends in the afternoons while the babes nap. Thats language arts & handwriting, right?! He reads about ants & makes an ant colony with a used glass jar. He reads and gets out all the ingredients for me to make banana muffins for the morning. Kindergarten rocks! At the end of our year we are more affirmed than ever of what a rich path we have stumbled upon. We are thankful. We are blessed.

To any Mama considering homeschooling, I highly recommend the above books- espically Educating the wholehearted Child and The Charlotte Mason Companion- INVALUABLE resources. I am currently reading the Companion again.

Blessings to you on your own unique journey!

pondering God's Words...

2008-05-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hold fast to what you hold,
Hold and touch
Lingeringly and lovingly
The word of life.
Unroll the scroll of life,
The scroll which Jesus unrolls,
Or rather, which is Jesus.
Wrap yourself in him,
Wrap yourself in that fine linen in which he was
wrapped
For he was clothed as light as in a garment.
Put on your Beloved, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Gilbert of Hoyland
12th century monk

Spinach Lasagna

2008-04-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

Yummy Spinach Lasagna

1 box whole wheat noodles
1 bag of frozen spinach
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
4 tsp basil
4 tsp sugar or honey
1 to 1 1/2 jars pasta sauce
1 pkg firm tofu
6 tsp oil
1 tsp garlic
2 tsp salt

Mash tofu in big bowl

Mix in all ingredients with it

Cook noodles

Layer in dish-

sauce

noodles

tofu mixture

repeat end with sauce on top

40 mins. on 350 degrees

My friend Anna introduced me to this recipe years ago & it is a staple in our home. I usually double it & freeze one or make one in an aluminum bread pan & freeze to have ready to give to a family in need. The first time I made it I didn't tell anyone that tofu was in it & no one knew the difference. Tofu is a fun food that blends in with the flavors around it. This is a great first recipe to try out tofu.

Kid's can eat healthy

2008-04-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

Who says eating healthy is boring?

Not so in my home says the Momma Mandy bear!!!

Abby girl eats oranges as fast as I can cut them up! I talk to her about healthy cells & we sing songs as I cut & she samples whatever I'm cutting.

Your body is made of trillions of LIVE cells that need LIVE food to nourish them so they can do their job in your body. You can not put bad gas in a car & expect it to run smoothly. Neither can we Americans - even we wealthy Americans who can afford meat at every meal- put food that is dead or full of yucky stuff in our bodies and expect our bodies to be healthy.

I have to remind myself on tired days that I don't have to make it hard or fancy.

Whole wheat blueberry pancakes are a weekly experience now with my 6 year old reading the recipe card & gathering ingredients, stirring & even learning to flip!

Eating habits are part of education in my mind. In this area more is "caught than taught." Start eating broccoli & ranch dip for a snack & see if your toddler doesn't come up and want a bite!? Walk around with your water bottle & enjoy drinking it & see who wants a sip. :)

I'm not a perfect eater- never will be - but I am learning to love whole foods more and more & can not resist the way I feel when I eat mostly raw and stay away from sugar, meat & dairy. Our family will never be vegetarian or vegan- all or nothing. But we have set the bar high & find that our kids bodies crave the good stuff & so do ours! When they do enjoy foods we eat in "moderation" they have a belly ache & learn from this.

I want to be a Mother who gets excited about all the different colorful food God made for us to enjoy & be a culinary artist whose food nourishes life & health. After I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 9 years ago I was forced to learn how to cook & eat healthy. It didn't take long before I fell in love with the art of cooking.

As a busy Mama with 3 children 6 & under my meals are very simple these days. My husband asks for one well prepared meal a week. Other than that I have my staples just like you do! Eating healthy does not have to be hard.

I treaure the picture of Maia age 2 walking around the Kill's home with a plasic baggie with long strips of green & red peppers in it. Her Mama washed & cut up this veggie when she got home from the store & put it in a place in the fridge where her kids could reach.

Thanks Kristen for this idea that is still used in my home!

HONEY for a child's heart

2008-04-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Great literature has a way of building people.

A good book is a magic gateway into a wider world of wonder, beauty, delight, and adventure. Books are experiences that make us grow, that add something to our inner stature.

As parents we are concerned about building whole people- people who are alive emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. The instruction to train up a child in the way he should go has enormous dimensions. It is to teach a child to think, to influence character, to give high ideals, and to encourage integrity. It is to provide largeness of thought, creative thinking, imaginative wondering. How large are your goals for your children?

Young children, fresh uncluttered minds, the world before them-to what treasures will you lead them? With what will you furnish their spirit?

The above are quotes from HONEY for a child's heart by Gladys Hunt. As I now am entering a new territory with a child who is reading I want to keep learning about good children's literature and expose him to good, rich books. Hunt's book was given to me by a great encourager of the life I'm seeking to live & provide for my children at home. Your too good to me Kay!

Reading aloud is a lost art today. Most dens are arranged around the TV & most houses have one in each room. You may not even know your addicted until you try to turn it off for a day.

Try it & see what happens.

Light a candle.

Turn on some classical music.

Snuggle on the couch with the ones you love.

Messes will always be there & that telephone call- it's not urgent.

Go meet Peter Rabbit & Tabitha Twitch & Harry the Dirty Dog & officer Michael who holds up traffic so all the ducklings can safely cross the street in Make Way for Ducklings & what about precious Sal on her blueberry hunt & Lentil who buys his own harmonica & becomes a hero at a town celebration using his music....

....fellow Mama's this is our job! We GET to expose our children to these people & places. Let's not settle for twaddle- let's find those living books Charlotte Mason taught us about!

Growing Up...

2008-04-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

every day it happens.

joshua made lunch without my asking recently- we ate it joyfully even tho the peanut butter wasn't spread evenly. jed smiles all day, is eager to make us laugh. abby sings twinkle twinkle & abc's. joshua got abby out of bed one morning this week & turned on stadium anthems- cotten eyed jo & they were dancing in their pj's! these guys are each so special & respectful & polite & FULL of love for others- they take pictures or flowers to the librarians or ladies at post office near our house or neighbors or people who we host in our home all the time. even tho i'm teaching my kids all kinds of educational stuff, recently I've seen such beautiful stuff between them- FRUIT springing up in my home & I pause & glory in it & say thanks Jesus & I'm propelled further in and higher up into this calling of homeschooling & Motherhood.

today, i am thankful.

thankful to be fully present in these way too fast years that speed by.
thankful for a man who is with me & validates my job even tho others don't.
thankful for healthy children that like my food...abby loves broccoli & ate 3 bowls
of salad last night before her pasta!
thankful for friends to share the journey with!
thankful for the peace that resides in our home amdist the screams & boo-boo's & arguments-
the life that daily bubbles over is so colorful!

thursday

2008-04-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Today, Joshua invited Jed to come to PE class with him -
sweet moment. they are such buds.

Thurday afternoons our homeschool group holds classes-
PE, chess at the rec. center then geography & choir at a church.
Joshua is really enjoying this time & making friends. Tonight
at the dinner table Joshua told us about a native american missionary.

Jed was bummed because Ms. Sandy was sick. Jed & Abby and the the
other toddlers usually meet for an hour while about 5 of us Moms have
bible study.

Our days are full. I am having the time of my life pouring my heart & soul
into my job- embracing home life as worth investing in. Tonight as I put the
lasting touches on everyones dinner plates & gave a 2 minute warning to my
husband and kid-o's laughing & tackling on the trampoline, I exhaled.

I put on Valvaldi (sp) for our dinner music & poured water into cups from my
pitcher of water on the table. A glorious spring evening with happy hearts
around our dinner table. Then how fun to bring out a plate of cookies after
everyone finished all their salad, veggie sloppy jos & fries.

After catching up on some dear friends blogs I feel inadequate to write about my days. I feel so tender knowing that little Asher has arrived - another blessing in the Campbell household. Life is rich. I don't want to miss a beat. I'm eager to get home to my husband.

Puppet fun...

2008-04-17T04:39:00.000-07:00

Recently our neighbors let us borrow 2 really neat puppets. During our music time we had a hay day making the animals speak and running around the house letting the animals chase eachother & be silly. Then that night the boys did a play for us before bed. Precious! Oh the joys of being fully present in daily life at home. I love my job. I treasure these memories we store up each day.

The keynote to the music...

2008-04-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

Our marriage.

Tomorrow we celebrate 9 years together!!! As I've been marveling over the gift of marriage -the beauty, the intensity, the mystery, I found this quote in a lofty, visionary book that paints excellent pictures of noble, rich life at home.

Four walls do not make a home, though built of marble and covered with rarest decorations. A family may be reared in a palace filled with the loveliest works of art, and yet the influences may not be such as leave blessing. The home-life itself is more important than the house and its adornments. By the home-life is meant all the intercourse of the members of the family. It is a happy art, the art of living together in tender love. It must begin with the parents themselves. Unless their life together is loving and true it will be impossible for them to make their home-life so. They give the keynote to the music.

Home-Making by J.R. Miller

a book i'm reading

2008-04-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

To embrace one's brokenness, whatever it looks like, whatever has caused it, carries within it the possibility that one might come to embrace one's healing, and then that one might come to the next step: to embrace another and their brokenness and their possibility for being healed.

Living Prayer by Robert Benson

Perspective

2008-04-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

Cleaning up/picking up/putting away- prep for our daddy coming home & evening
time together I grew weary yesterday. Helping Jed with a little direction, keeping Abby
on task, going here and there and then here and there again, making sure the pasta wasn't boiling over, trying not to forget to switch over the laundry in the washer, I found my thoughts
on a downward spiral about how I could be better organized & more consistent in having
the kid-0's clean up as they go more throughout the day. oppressive, law oriented thots, for sure.

Then it happened.

God stepped in and gave me perspective through my
6 year old who was skipping through the kitchen with some art stuff in his hands that he was returing to his desk.

"Boy, we sure did
had fun today, didn't we Mom!?

Yes, fella, we did have a full, fun day didn't we- I responded. And in an instant my perspective changed and I thanked the Lord for our home life and home school and freedom to make messes with glitter & play chess with army men & how Abby's verbal skills are off the charts from being around her family all day- listening to books, singing songs, cleaning, doing life, and how Joshua is so attentive to his siblings needs.

Reminded me of a tea time with an older neighbor recently. I invited her over during nap time one afternoon- she is a paino teacher & been here a long time. On our way to the kitchen to fix our tea we stepped around a big Knex creation we had been working on. I asked her to excuse our messes & she had the best reply that has stuck with me. She said, "Oh, goodness, I don't mind at all, it's a sign of life in a home- The homes I worry about are the ones that look like the magazines and don't have any signs of messes & creativity."

I smiled and told her she was welcome in our home any time then!

Our First Tulip Bud

2008-03-31T20:42:00.001-07:00

Holding my 6 year old dancing to "I'm gonna be free" I glanced out our front window to the row of the first tulips I ever

Planted in my life- the green thick leaves pushed up through the ground a few weeks ago- about 3 inches by now- and did I mention tulips

Are one of my favorite flowers? I held them as I walked down that glorious isle to my stag & my heart still leaps when I see them whether in

A field or in the grocery store. So, holding Joshua with his sweet face pressed next to mine, swaying back and forth enjoying his kisses as he tells me he gives Jonathan- his little dinosaur- a kiss every morning…

As he soaks up my undivided attention, my kisses, I see it. Like, oh my goodness, it really happened, when & how did it do that and is it ok because it's still kinda

Cold here? All rushed through my mind like a 1^st time Mama with her mucusy tiny infant just placed on her chest knowing he's been there for 9 months growing but wow, he's really real kinda feeling.

I put Joshua down and walked calmly out our front door, with tears welling up in my mouth

out to the pink tulip by my fence not caring that I was in my pink pj pants & no makeup as a car drove past & fuzzy socks that would get wet in the grass. Of course everyone followed suit. My camera was fetched & we gazed at this little miracle on this Monday morning, the last day of March.

I've always wanted to be a gardener like my Mama but always lacked the courage to try, to give myself

The freedom to fail and worried too much about getting it just right. But last fall that bag of bulbs at Lowes merely screamed at me and jumped in my cart and made me feel like a little girl with her first bike & training wheels giving myself space & permission to grow more into my skin and have new adventures.

God invites me into the deep places of my heart.

The cross offers salvation yes, but also healing.

Jesus offers me beauty for ashes.

Grace happens.

Be present.

New beginnings are possible.

Go slow Mama bee & watch & wonder with childlike faith.

Yes, this is what I'm learning as I fight for the hearts around me, seek to embrace my calling as wife & mama, get my nails dirty everyday as I teach and train and mold these saplings around me and in turn God himself shows up at every turn molding me, suprising me with his huge love, teaching me, forgiving me, loving me as I float in his

sea of grace.

Oh, how I need his grace.

----

Painting Fingernails

2008-03-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

Oh, my am I head over heels or what!?
Abby came to me last night while I was painting my nails and she put her delicate
little fingers on my lap and said "Mommy paint nails." So, I painted her tiny nails
and it was priceless! I loved the way she walked daintly around with them not touching
anything. "Ooooo, pettty" she said. Melted my heart.

New Begining

2008-02-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

Last week in my bible study I read, "Perhaps more than anything else, Satan wants to hinder us from ever learning how to use our mouths. Stenochoreo mean "to crowd into a narrow space, ...figuratively, to be constrained, reserved, be unable to express oneself."

I have experienced this often in my life.

I am thankful I don't have to live in that place of defeat any longer.
Words matter.
James says that mongo big ships driven by strong winds are "still directed by a very small rudder, wherever the inclination of the pilot desires."

Hurtful words wound & scar & imprison & deflate.
Words spoken about someones life can cause others to think differently about that person.

I am a words person.
They jazz me to no end.
They have also crushed me to where I thot I would die.

Not sure I really want to but know I needed to follow the nudge and get back in the saddle & start this thing again.